Giveaway for Caregivers

Caregiver Bracelet

Free to Followers of The Imperfect Caregiver

(US Residents Only)

Caregivers need all the support they can get. One way to increase awareness is to show the world how many of us there are, including caregivers, those who have been caregivers, and those who may become caregivers.  Our numbers grow every day and will continue to increase until cures for Alzheimer’s, all the other forms of dementia, and traumatic brain disease are found.  One way to do that is to display our support for all to see.

To receive a free Caregivers Are Heroes bracelet: Follow The Imperfect Caregiver blog and send a request in the comment section below. Include your name and complete mailing address. Address will not be published on this site.   Requests may also be sent to me directly via email at bcarducci@comcast.net  No mailing costs or hidden fees apply. This is my gift to individual caregivers.  Current followers are eligible for this free gift.

Dr. Phil, we need your help! Please use your resources and that of the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to help caregivers most in need receive the help and support they so desperately need.

To add your voice to mine contact Dr. Phil at www.DrPhil.com

 

 

 

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Caregivers Are Beautiful

beautiful woman

Caregivers are unique in every way. It is the caring we do that brings us together and links us in a way that cannot be broken. Know that the Imperfect Caregiver understands how special you are, even when you believe you are failing. Blessed be.

Dr. Phil, Help the Caregivers who need it most. http://www.drphil.com

Good Morning Caregivers

It’s your turn again. Please tell me how you are doing. If you’d like to share a bot of your story, please do. It may help another caregiver.

how do you feel today

Good Morning Caregivers

I hope you find a reason to smile today.

dog smiling

If you don’t, feel free to contact me. I’m here to help.

Caregiver Cover Web

 

 

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It’s Too Hard to See Him Like That

Caregivers,  often do you hear those words from family members trying to justify avoiding your loved one. For refusing to help even long enough to give you a few hours or days of respite? They may feel that upon hearing those reasons we will understand that they would like to help but they simply can’t.

Unfortunately, what they are really saying is:

“It’s too hard and it doesn’t matter how it affects anyone else. It’s not about Mom or Dad. It’s not about our brother or sister. It’s about me and how I feel.”

Some common comments and my responses follow. As the Imperfect Caregiver I speak for you so you know you are not alone.

“Mom doesn’t know me anymore so why bother visiting? When I do come by all she does is repeat the same stories over and over. It’s boring and irritating. I can’t take it.

 “I feel that way sometimes too. That’s why I need your help. Why can’t you understand that?”

“She was up all night for the past two weeks and you desperately need sleep? Take a nap during the day when she does. What’s your problem?”

“It’s not safe. If she wakes before I do she could leave the house and wander away or decide to cook something and forget it on the stove causing a fire. Could you nap under those conditions?”

“He’s combative and accuses you of stealing from him? What did you do to set him off? What do expect me to do about it?”

“I didn’t set him off. The disease did. I don’t expect you to fix it. I need you to understand what this terrible disease is doing to him.”

She seemed fine to me the last time I visited.”

If that’s true  and she is fine,why don’t you come more often? Why are you too busy to give me a break?

“My father would never use language like that! Why would you say such things about him? I think you’re the one who has a problem.”

Yes, I have a problem. It’s trying to deal with all this and you too. Would you like me to tape record him for you?

“A nursing home? Never! I promised Mom we would never do that to her.”

“We also promised to take care of her. When did “we” become only me?”

“If things are so bad put her in a nursing home. What do you mean you need help to pay for it? What about her social security and Medicare?”

 “The facilities that would take her for what little she receives are full with long waiting lists and you clearly haven’t seen what goes on in those places. Someone would have to be there every day to make sure she got the care she needs and we know who that would be.”

***

Feel free to share some of the comments you hear from family members in the comment section below. It helps us all to know we are not alone.

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Thunderclap Goal Reached. Thank You!

Thank you everyone who signed on to support my Thunderclap campaign, Family Caregiver Tells All.  Yesterday the campaign reached the required 100 supporters.

On December 21st a message will be sent to 45,296 people telling them about Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver and help raise awareness of what it’s really like to be a family caregiver.

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Because Your Loved One May Not Be Able to Say It

When I Count My Blessings

Today when my family and I hold hands around the table I will count every one of you among the blessings for which I am thankful. Without you so many would be lost.

Blessed be everyone.

 

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

A Bit of Humor To Get You Through

As you continue to care for your loved ones and prepare to recognize the Thanksgiving holiday in a way that is best for you and your family; I offer a bit of humor in the hope of bringing a smile to your face.

survive the week

And in honor of your making it through as I’m sure you will, you are a caregiver after all, here is your sparkling helmet.

sparkle helmet

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

 

Please Make It Stop

melting clock “What time is it?”

“11:00 in the morning.”

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it?”

Thinking he didn’t hear me I told him again. “11:00 in the morning.”

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it?”

I sighed and turned down the sound on the TV and repeated the time once more.

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it.”

Then I knew. He’s mind was stuck in a loop. Before I understood what was happening I would get frustrated and angry with him. He would go on like that for hours. Why the hell did he do it? Didn’t he know it was annoying as hell? I was convinced he did it on purpose in order to get attention or to get back at me for controlling him as he often accused me of doing.

Then I learned more about dementia and how the brain works. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. He could no more stop repeating himself than a scratched old record album could stop from skipping when the needle reached a flawed groove. (If you’re too young to understand that reference, ask a baby boomer, he or she will explain it to you.)

Once I understood what was happening I was able to figure out what to do. I had to move his thoughts past the flaw in the groove so they could move on to the next section.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost time for lunch. Are you hungry?”

“No. What time is it?”

“It’s time to wash your face. Here is a warm cloth.”

The distraction helped for few minutes and then he asked again, “What time is it?”

“It’s time to fold these towels. Will you help me?”

“Yes. I have to do something sometime. It’s not good to sit and loaf all day.”

A few minutes pass in blessed silence as he folds the towels and I take them an unfold them to keep him occupied.

And then it happened. He looked up from his work and said, “My mother, she washed clothes on Monday. Monday was wash day.”

As he folded all the towels one more time he began to relate another memory of his youth. The needle had moved on and the result was truly music to my ears.

Note: It may take a few moments and some creative answers to move your loved one out of the loop but if you keep trying it will work and cut the time you both have to deal with to minutes instead of hours.

Does your loved one get stuck in a loop asking the same question or saying the same thing over and over? How do you handle it? I’d love to hear from you. Post your response in the comment block below.

 

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

 

Lead Me to The Rock

lead me to the rock psalm 61 2

Sometimes prayer was the only thing that got me through the long days and nights of caregiving. Too much stress, too little sleep, very little help, all piled up and sapped my strength and I turned to prayer. In one form another my cry was always the same, “I need help. Please send help.”

And He did. In His time and in a way that may have been unexpected, help arrived.

For all the caregivers close to the end of their stamina, I send out this prayer.

“Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

A blessed Sunday to you all.

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

 

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