The Imperfect Caregiver

It can seem like that, especially in the early and moderate stages. This is when behavior can be off the wall one moment and seemingly normal the next.

1. A family member or friend drops by and suddenly the person in your care changes. Someone who can rarely speak engages in conversation again.
2. There is light in his eyes that’s not been there in a long time.
3. He may not remember your name but recognizes the rare visitor immediately.
4. As you approach his doctor’s office he stands straighter and walks with his head up.
5. He convincingly denies symptoms and behavior you encounter daily.

You watch, amazed, and perhaps convinced, you are being taken advantage of. What you are seeing and hearing is the person in your care using every resource he can draw upon in order to appear normal. He is aware that something is very wrong and wants to convince others that he is still himself. It can’t last. It’s exhausting and the strain will take everything out of him for the rest of the day and possibly for the next several days.  You will both be in for a difficult time for a while.

As frustrating as it may be for you, try to understand that what you are experiencing with him are some of his last efforts to be retain his dignity and be seen as he once was.

Be prepared for some visitors to insist he’s not as bad as you led them to believe. Understand that the medical staff will listen to him first and may question your perceptions of his progression. On some occasions, you may question your own sanity.  Know this, it’s not you. You have the facts, they don’t.

You may want to have a brief video of what really goes on stored on your smart phone to share with those who need to know the truth. It could lead to getting more help for both of you.

For those you rarely see or will always question what you do, let them believe what they will and vent as needed to other caregivers who understand what it’s really like.

To learn more about Bobbi Carducci, the Imperfect Caregiver, click on her name. To contact her  directly send an email to bcarducci@Comcast.net . Comments and questions are always welcome.