The Imperfect Caregiver

It’s Too Hard to See Him Like That

When family members opt out of helping care for someone it’s not unusual for them to say, “It’s too hard to see him or her like that.”

Of course it’s hard. These diseases are brutal, long term, fatal illnesses. Too hard for everyone. What most people don’t understand is that with dementia time travel is real. As short term memory is lost, the past comes alive for person with dementia. Sharing memories of life when they were strong, healthy, and happy is what will ease their days. Share photos, home movies, and stories from your shared time. That is the way to make something that is too hard a bit better moment to moment.

Its too hard to see him like that.

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Do Not Believe the Things You Tell Yourself

We humans, and even more so, caregivers, have a unique ability to find ways to blame ourselves when things go wrong. When this occurs, we doubt our ability to continue. We lose sleep trying to pinpoint what we missed, or what we did or didn’t do that resulted in another setback or a very bad day.

Listen to James’s story and his doubts. Then listen to what follows and understand you are not alone in feeling as you do. After that, take a few moments to feel the regret or guilt that you are facing. It would do no good for me to tell you not to feel as you do. Go with it for a bit. Wallow as most of us do. Then take a deep breath and move on knowing you did your very best and that is all you need to do. That, and be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Blessed be the caregivers.

Blessed Be The Caregivers

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