The Imperfect Caregiver is here to be a lifeline for you. I know how hard it is every day, how alone you feel, and how you wish that someone would truly understand.

You are amazing even on the days you feel as if you failed. When things change moment by moment you can’t be expected to know all the answers or to get it right every time. Sometimes anger is the only way to get through to a muddled brain. Cry when you must, laugh when you can, and know you are not alone.



What Adult Children Need to Know About Alzheimer’s/Dementia

Prepare to Care -What Adult Children Need to Know About Alzheimer’s/Dementia Before and After It Strikes Home

What a great group I had for the debut presentation on October 8th. Right from the start these caring young adults indicated how interested they are in learning more about these dreadful diseases and how to prepare for what may be coming to their families.  The questions and comments kept coming throughout the presentation.

When I became a caregiver I knew it would be hard. But, I had no idea of how difficult it would become, how long I would be doing it, or how much it would change me.  Because of those seven years I have become a caregiver advocate. For those who are caregivers now, I facilitate a caregiver support group and I write this blog. I wrote a book about my experience caring for my father-in-law, a book that has been called brutally honest and portrays me as flawed as I truly am. I wrote it to show people what it’s really like to be a caregiver.   As meaningful as these things are to me, I want to do more to make life better for caregivers and those in their care.

 It is now part of my mission to help adult children Prepare to Care. Although we touched on some very frightening and emotional possibilities you can see from the photo below that the result was a positive one as each participant left more informed and better prepared to face the tough decisions they will be called upon to make in the future.


The Imperfect Caregiver is second from the left in the second row. Her daughter, who is now learning all she can to Prepare to Care, is second from the right in the second row.

While many families now provide home care for relatives and loved ones, the number is expected to significantly increase in the coming years with the aging of the Baby Boomers. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance:

  • Approximately 43.5 million caregivers have provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the last 12 months (National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP)
  • About 15.7 million adult family caregivers care for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia. [Alzheimer’s Association. (2015). 2015 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures.]

Employers  and civic group leaders interested in arranging a presentation to their employees can reach Bobbi Carducci at bcarducci@comcast.net.


I Don’t Want to Adult Today


dog smiling

Dog vs Caregiver? I pick dog. How about you?

Caregiver Support Group Meeting Aug. 25th

The 4th Thursday Caregiver Support Group meets on Aug. 25th, from 3:00-4:00 PM at the Carver Center in Purcellville.  No fee. Trained facilitator. All caregivers welcome.

200 E. Willie Palmer Drive, Purcellville, VA 20132

Contact Information:  Bobbi Carducci @bcarducci@Comcast.net

Take a Moment

go quiet when things are hardI know every hour of your day is focused on caring for others. This is why I encourage you to merely take a moment. Go quiet and go inside.  Take a deep breath and know you are not alone.

Mesothelioma Caregiver: You Are Bold, Strong, And Not Alone

Welcome Guest Blogger, Nicole Godfrey, writer and community outreach associate for Mesothelioma Guide.

In the words of Brett H. Lewis, “Health is by chance – Caregiving is by choice.” Caregiving is a huge responsibility, but you must remember that you are only human. You must also remember that the person that you’re caring for is still the same person. Don’t let a diagnosis change your point of view about them.

Mesothelioma Guide is dedicated to helping mesothelioma patients thrive, which includes providing information and support to their caregivers.

What to Expect

There are several factors to take into consideration when it comes to assuming the role of caregiver. As a caregiver to a mesothelioma patient, your role is going to change as the patient’s disease develops. The patient’s state of health may improve or it may decline.

Here are a few responsibilities you may have

  •  Feeding, dressing, bathing
  • Managing medication
  •   Providing transportation

Your duties as a caregiver are to assist in the day-to-day activities of the patient. You will not only monitor their health and provide them companionship, but you will find yourself being a part of a big decision making process. You will help them make decisions about their treatments, their financial and legal issues, their insurance, and their end-of-life treatment.

Don’t Forget About Yourself

As a caregiver you are going to find yourself being a huge part of someone else’s life, but you must remember that you are an important factor to making your role successful.

It is completely ok to take a timeout and to assess the new responsibilities that you are having to adapt to.

Here are a few tips to any caregiver

  • Rest
  • Take care of yourself physically
  • Accept help from others
  • Seek the aid of respite help

Read Mesothelioma Guide’s blog for more information on how to take care of yourself as a mesothelioma caretaker.

Talk About It

You are going to find yourself being a whirlwind of emotions. You are going to be scared. You are going to be angry. And that is ok. However, don’t bottle up your emotions. Talking about the circumstances can be your best dose of medicine.

You can always talk directly to the person who you are caring for. By doing this, you can address any questions you may have. Also, this allows you and the patient to express how you are both feeling. However, if the person you are caring for doesn’t want to talk, or you find it difficult to talk to them, you can always explore the option of support groups.

Support groups aren’t just for the patient. Some of these groups are designed specifically to help caregivers. Support groups help a person to stay both positive and hopeful. A person can attend a support group meeting in person, by a phone conference, or online.

It has also been proven that support groups can

  • Reduce stress
  • Provide inspiration
  • Offer comfort

You must remember that you are not alone. Support groups are designed to create a community where people can talk about their disease or it gives caregivers a chance to express their concerns about caring for someone with a disease.


Quote: https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/6546527.Brett_H_Lewis




4th Thursday Caregiver Support Group Meets This Week

Open to all caregivers. Meetings are held monthly at the Carver Center in Purcellville, VA

Address: 200 Willie Palmer Drive, Purcellville, VA

Time: 3:00 -4:00 PM

Sponsored by Alzheimer’s Organization.

Trained Facilitator

Caregiver Support Group: This group is designed to provide emotional, educational, and social support for caregivers in order to help participants develop coping methods and encourage caregivers to maintain their personal, physical and emotional health, as well as care for the person with dementia or other chronic illness. Serving teen to adult caregivers.

Please join us when you can.

For more information you may contact me directly via email. bcarducci@Comcast.net


Runny Eggs and Burnt Toast on Mother’s Day


burnt toast“Shhh! You’re going to wake her up. It’s supposed be a surprise,” the oldest of my four kids ordered her siblings in a supposed whisper that carried through the house and into my second floor bedroom. The aroma of burnt toast soon followed and I knew that I was about to be served breakfast in bed – again – by four very proud children. And again I was going to have to eat as much of it as I could while assuring them it was delicious.

Of course it wasn’t. The eggs were slimy and undercooked. Half the toast was nearly incinerated and the rest floated in orange juice that had slopped over the edge of the too full glass on the way from kitchen to Mom.  A homemade card teetered upright on the tray next to a small vase of dandelions and lilies of the valley harvested from the back yard.  The pride shining on their eager faces as I took each bite meant everything to me. Runny eggs seasoned with love become palatable if not tasty.

Now that my children are grown and they, or their wives, have experienced their own Mother’s Day feasts they realize how bad the food was and how precious those memories are.

If these thoughts are bittersweet for you on Sunday because your mother can no longer recall your fledgling efforts in the kitchen Mother’s Day you might be able to share some very special moments together anyway.

Show her a Mother’s Day card you received and spend some time going through pictures taken when you or your children were eager to cook for mom on her special day.

Seeing photos of her mother as a young woman may trigger happy memories of her childhood that you haven’t heard before.

If you have a special memory of something silly happened on a past Mother’s Day, share that with her for sure.

And if you can’t think of anything amusing because you are feeling too sad here is a link to a very cute Mother’s Day tribute posted on YouTube by Care.com








Four of the Saddest Words Ever Spoken

She doesn’t remember me. I hope my children never have a reason to say them. But it could happen. If it does I hope they understand that even in my confused mind they are still a part of me. …

Source: Four of the Saddest Words Ever Spoken

Four of the Saddest Words Ever Spoken

She doesn’t remember me.

I hope my children never have a reason to say them. But it could happen. If it does I hope they understand that even in my confused mind they are still a part of me.

By the time I reach that point I will have lost much already.

My short term memory.

My rich vocabulary.

My love of long, hot showers.

My ability to cook.

My driver’s license or even how to find my way home if I did still have that privilege.


I pray I’ll still have the ability to read and understand the words my favorite authors have so painstakingly crafted. A world without books would be barren indeed for someone who loves to read as much as I do.

Alzheimer’s or some other form of dementia will have taken me somewhere back in time.

Perhaps I am reliving my days as a busy young mother and you, my darling daughter or son, are still in elementary school. You have not yet grown into the wonderful adult you will become.  I see you pink cheeked and out of breath after running up the steps, opening the screen door, and calling out, “Mom, I’m home. Guess what I got on my spelling test today!”

It may not seem like it in the moment but the memory of you is deeply implanted in my heart. The heart that beat so close to yours during the time I carried you. The heart that cried with you when you were hurt and rejoiced with you when you achieved a goal.

If the day comes when I look at you and ask, “Who are you?” I hope you will smile, give me your name, and tell me about your mother.

I love you. I pray you never forget that.

Dr. Phil: Please help support caregivers via the Dr. Phil Foundation. Caregivers are in desperate need of respite and you can help make it happen.

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