The Imperfect Caregiver

Often the bravest thing a caregiver can do is face a new day. A day of hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. A day that begins early and continues long into the night. A day where you are not appreciated and often vilified by the one in your care.

Even when the person you are devoting your life to is kind and loving, courage is required from both of you. Life has changed dramatically, expectations of the future must be modified or abandoned. Facing inevitable continuing losses can make it hard to continue, yet you do.

It takes courage to smile when we are sad. It takes courage to find new ways of communication. It takes courage to take time away from giving care to take care of oneself when selfcare means crying in the shower or lowering your body onto your knees in prayer when the answer you seek is the end of pain for both of you. It is not a wish for death, but a hope for a peaceful ending.

Yes, caring takes courage and most of us don’t understand what soldiers come to realize, that courage doesn’t erase fear, it challenges us to carry on in the face of it. Caregiver are heroes.

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Caregivers have so much to do, day and night, for weeks at a time. Of course it’s exhausting. It leaves one drained physically and emotionally. This is the hardest, most long lasting, thankless time of one’s life, until it is done.

Only after one has had time to recover can one begin to appreciate the special moments of clarity that will reveal why it was a gift you didn’t know you wanted. Laugh or cry at the prospect now, but I believe this to be true. It happened to me.

Until then, give yourself a mini break each day by letting go of one thing that can wait until tomorrow. Walk away from the demand that every little thing be accomplished as it used to be.

Let go of what was to embrace what is. One day at a time.

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