We all know that eventually the day will come when it will no longer be safe to drive however, the word eventually means we don’t have to face it for a long time. Unfortunately for some, it comes sooner than we think and under circumstances we didn’t consider when first taking the wheel and heading off down the road.
When someone has dementia or has had a stroke or traumatic brain injury, that day can arrive sooner than cognitive impairment can process the change or how much danger they can be to themselves and others. This often leads to denial, anger, and a lot of lashing out at the person standing in their way.
When that day comes for your loved one:
Try to include him in the decision process. Have someone he trusts with sit with him and go over the dangers in continuing to drive. Deciding on his own is better for him than having his licensed revoked due to an accident. Even if he was not at fault he could be sued resulting in not only losing his license but serious financial loss as well.
It’s important to understand that this is an issue that must be addressed. Check with your local and state police for information on the law in your area. In many places, if you are aware the person in your care has cognitive impairment and you know they are driving, it could put you and your assets at risk.
Here are some suggestions on what to do when faced with this issue:
- Let him know you are on his side. You are not taking this from him. “Dad. I know this is important to you and always were a good driver. Let’s see what we can do about this.” Then call his doctor.
- Have the doctor speak with Dad. Some people are conditioned to follow a doctor’s advice.
- Once confirmed by the doctor that he should not be driving and he still insists on getting behind the wheel, arrange for him to “lose” his license. (Hide it.)
- Again. Let him know you are on his side. “I’ll call the DMV and make an appointment so you can get a new one.” Inform the person you speak with that he has dementia. Arrange for him to have a driving test. If he resists remind him that this is a chance to show them he can drive. When he fails the test, let the DMV revoke his license. Be supportive when he gets upset. “I know this is hard and you are angry. I would be angry too.” Acknowledge his feelings and his right to express them.
- If he still insists on driving, keep all keys where he can’t get them. If possible move the car somewhere he can’t see it.
A driver’s license represents independence and freedom. We drive out of necessity and we drive for fun. No longer being able to get in the car and go can require a mourning period. Validate his feelings of loss. If his anger spirals out of control go into another room and lock the door until he calms down. If necessary, call law enforcement to assist you.
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The Imperfect Caregiver 
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