Thanksgiving with Dysphagia (Difficulty Swallowing)

21 Nov 2016 2 Comments

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, family issues Tags: , , , , , ,

Thanksgiving is the holiday most focused on gathering around the table with family and friends to share a sumptuous feast. My father-in-law, Rodger, was never one to miss a meal. He ate breakfast, lunch, and supper at precisely the same time every day. He grew up on a farm in Italy. Like most Italians he had a very healthy appetite.

When advancing Parkinson’s disease and dementia triggered severe swallowing problems I knew I had to be creative. Everything he ate had to be pureed and any liquids had to be thickened to the consistency of honey. I bought a food processor and experimented with ways prepare tasty versions of the things he loved to eat. I showed him that the mushy stuff he insisted wasn’t food was the same thing he used to eat. I had him watch me mash the potatoes, prepare the vegetables, and put them in the food processor.

“This is real food,” he finally admitted. “But it’s not as good. I need the real, real food.”

I wanted to serve him roast chicken, a baked potato and fresh green beans with a slice of apple pie with ice cream for dessert. He should have been able to eat anything he wanted. But the danger was too great.

I made a lot of thick soups and stews full of vegetables and beans. Flavor and nutrition were my main focus and when the peas turned the pureed chicken stew green I told him it was one of my Irish specialties. He ate it all.

When Thanksgiving came and the house filled with wonderful of aroma of roasting turkey and baking pies I made sure he was able to enjoy as many of his favorite dishes as possible.

Here is my recipe for A Dysphagia Thanksgiving:

Turkey – I tried pureeing both dark and white meat turkey and found it too grainy so I used a well-known brand of junior baby food and pureed it further to remove all lumps.

1 cup homemade stuffing – Place in food processor with 2 tablespoons of homemade gravy. Puree until smooth, making sure all lumps are removed. (Add gravy one teaspoon at time as needed.)

½ cup mashed potatoes – mash or puree to remove all lumps. Add gravy to the potatoes for flavor.

½ cup creamed spinach – puree until very smooth

For desert – remove crust from one slice of pumpkin pie, top with whipped cream.

At the end of the meal he said, “This is just like my wife used to make.” I knew it wasn’t true but as long as he enjoyed it there was reason to be truly thankful.

An estimated 15 million people in the United States have the current diagnosis of     Dysphagia. Patients with Dysphagia are at high risk for aspiration pneumonia which weakens them and can lead to death.  Nearly 60,000 people die each year from complications associated with swallowing disorders.  For more information on Dysphagia go to: http://dysphagia514.tripod.com/vitalstimtherapy/id1.html

Remembering Rodger

26 Jul 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in Alzheimer's, care giving, caregiver, caregiver anger, caregiver humor, Caregiving, Dementia, Dementia, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, stroke, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Rodger Carducci

 July 26, 1926 – July 26, 2009

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A year ago today I celebrated with family friends the release of Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver.  The day was one of joy mixed with sadness as were so many of the days I spent writing it. We chose to release the book on Rodger’s birthday to honor him and his life.  I knew when I decided to share our story I would experience again all the emotions of living it. I told Mike to be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. He knew all too well what that meant. He lived it too and would have his own moments of joy and regret. However, we agreed it was important to speak the truth about what it’s really like to be a caregiver.

I was determined to be brutally honest. I included the good days, the days of precious moment of clarity and remembrance he chose to share with us. However, I  also share the many moments of anger and doubt. I cry and pray and vent the frustration that comes with doing the best you can in an impossible situation for someone who sometimes loves you but far more often resents you for trying to save them from themselves.

Caregivers often asked, “Why doesn’t someone write a book that shows what it’s really like?”  Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver does that. Caregivers,  you know what it’s like. You live it every day. It is now my wish is to get into the hands of your friends and family members in the hope that, in reading our story, they will better understand your situation and offer to help in any way they can.

Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver is for caregivers, those who may become caregivers, those who have been caregivers and those who may one day need care. I hope our story helps everyone understand that you don’t have to get it right every time in order to succeed and sometimes being a little bit crazy is exactly what is needed. Available via Amazon and Barnes&Noble. To purchase a signed copy you are invited to contact Second Chapter Books in Middleburg, VA (540-687-7016) or via email: secondchapterbks@gmail.com

 

Do Not Believe All The Things You Tell Yourself At Night

24 Jun 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in Alzheimer's, caregiver, caregiver anger, caregiver humor, Caregiving, Dementia, Dementia, elderly murder-suicide, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , ,

sleepless woman

I know the voice of doubt. It comes in the night to question and criticize. It tells us we are not good enough or smart enough to do this.  It may come as a whisper or scream unceasingly. Either way it keeps us awake going over the activities of the day.

“How could you lose your temper you know he’s sick?”

“I can’t believe you said that to him.”

“How could you forget to tell the doctor about that?”

“You think you’re so smart, why is she getting worse every day?

Yes, I know the voice of doubt. I know how we question ourselves all the time. We expect so much of ourselves it’s impossible to live up to our expectations.  When family members do it we know they are full of s**t and we get angry. When we do it to ourselves we start to believe. We lose precious sleep judging ourselves harshly.

I know the voice of doubt. She whispered to me every night. She lied.  I hope by writing this post I will be able to convince you that the voice keeping you awake at night is no better than mine was.

You are a caregiver and you do not have to be perfect to do what is best for the person in your care.  And, sometimes being a little bit crazy is exactly what is needed in the moment.

What are some of the things you say to yourself late at night? Share them here. It may help you and other caregivers silence the voice and allow you to rest when you can.

I continue to plead with Dr. Phil to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provide caregivers with assistance.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

 

 

Despite All My Good Intentions, I’d Let Him Down.

12 Jun 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

 

where have I gone wrong

The first time I met him, when Mike and I first started seeing one another, he reminded me so much of someone dear to me that I felt as if I’d already known him for a long time.

Mike was living with his parents then, renting a large room on the third floor of the row house he’d grown up in, while looking for an apartment closer to work. We’d spent the afternoon together, and then he’d taken me to his room to show me his drum set and to play a few songs before I had to go home to my kids. Recently divorced and not used to dating, I was shy and unsure of myself. I wasn’t comfortable being there at all and was relieved when he played the last note and offered to walk me to my car.

Descending the stairs, I noticed just the toes of a man’s shoes, cheap, black, and rubber-soled. Then white socks, sagging around his ankles, came into view. His pants were navy blue. Since he was still seated, I couldn’t confirm that their seat was almost worn through, but I knew instinctively that would be the case. It’s just the same with the brown pair he wears when the blue ones are in the wash, I thought.

I watched him dig his heels into the footrest of his chair, easing the back upright so he could stand and offer a hand in greeting. A too-large brown belt circled his waist, welts of strain scarring the surface at various places, marking recent fluctuations in his weight. His shirt was a whisper-thin old thing, tucked inexpertly into the baggy pants he pulled up to a height only very old men find comfortable.

I felt a smile of recognition cross my face when his features came into view. Everything about him reminded me of my Uncle Louie. The fact that Louie was not just my uncle but my great-uncle, my personal godfather, and the only Italian in my big Irish family made him appear to be a man of epic proportions. He was shorter, darker, fatter, and far more interesting than any of the skinny, red-headed, freckle-faced men who chased after us when my brothers, sister, and cousins and I couldn’t contain our wild selves a minute longer and tried to uphold the age-old Celtic tradition of fighting like a bunch of hooligans.

Whenever I’d stay with my godparents for a weekend, Uncle Louie would let me sit on his lap while he drank a beer or a highball. He even let me have a sip now and then. I didn’t like the taste of either one but I never told him so. I had an idea in my head that sipping whiskey just naturally went along with watching the Friday night fights, and I wasn’t about to risk losing that privilege for anything.

While Uncle Louie’s gaze remained glued to the tiny black-and-white TV screen, I’d watch the crinkly lines around his eyes deepen each time he’d take a drag off his Camel cigarette and wonder how he got those puffy little bags to grow beneath his lower lashes like that.

My God, I thought as Mike began the introductions, even his chair looks the same.

“Dad, I’d like you to meet Bobbi.”

Shaking off the memory of one person in order to acknowledge the presence of another, I greeted the man who would become my father-in-law, convinced I’d seen something familiar in him. They have the same light in their eyes, I thought with affection.

Sitting in a hospital parking lot so many years later, I was just beginning to discover how very wrong I’d been.

Had he been pretending all these years? Is the real Rodger the one who announced to the nursing staff that I’m useless and no damned good? Does the medicine he takes every day allow him to be himself, or does it mask his true nature? Who is this man who lives in my house and paces the halls late at night?

As hard as I tried to block out the thoughts, I couldn’t stop the images from coming. Flashes of movie maniacs appeared, unbidden. Norman Bates from Psycho leered through a curtain of memory only to be replaced by rapid-fire clips of Jack Torrance careening through the halls of the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.

“Stop being ridiculous,” I said, shaking off the mood I’d created and starting the car.

As I turned onto the highway I told myself that my thoughts and the fact that I was now talking to myself in an otherwise empty car were more an indication of my mental state than his.

I knew from my research that schizophrenics aren’t the knife-wielding lunatics often portrayed in movies. Most of them are timid, introverted people who want to be left alone. Unfortunately, very often when they get their wish they end up homeless, in the hospital, or in jail. And sometimes, even when they aren’t left alone, those things happen.

Where did I go wrong? What did I miss and how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again? Those questions and more went unanswered as I covered the miles between the hospital and home, my mind and body too tired to cope with the guilt I felt at that moment. Despite all my good intentions, I’d let him down.

This post  above is an excerpt from Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver ©.  Knowing I am truly imperfect inspired me to become a caregiver advocate and to create this blog.

Dr. Phil, Caregivers need help. Please accept the challenge and use your resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provided real help for caregivers.

To Contact Dr. Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/   http://www.drphil.com/ @DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Help me get help for caregivers. Join the Dr. Phil Challenge. Post you comments here:

 

A Much Nicer Way to Say What I Was Thinking

11 Jun 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in Alzheimer's, caregiver, caregiver anger, caregiver humor, Caregiving, Dementia, Dementia, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

open your mouth only if

Shut … the … hell … up!  That’s what caregivers would like to say. No not say, scream, when family members drop by for a short visit and begin to offer comments like this:

“She looks fine to me. Why do pretend taking care of her is harder than it is?”

“Mom told me her things are disappearing. What’s going on?”

“What do you mean it’s time to look at placing Dad in a nursing home? I promised him I’d never do that.”

“He’s lost a lot of weight. Why aren’t you feeding him enough?”

“I can’t take her. I have a very busy life. You get to stay home all day and watch TV.”

“I should have known better than to invite you! You always have some lame excuse.”

“We can’t make it for his birthday. We’re leaving for vacation in Italy that day.”

Caregivers, I invite you to share some the absurd things family and friends have said to you. Feel free to also add what you would like to have said in return and didn’t. (If responded with a great comeback feel free to share that too.)

Friends and family members – I challenge you memorize and follow the advice in the quote above. Dr. Phil, that goes for you too.

More Caregivers comment on  the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish a grant to help the caregivers who need it most.

steven chandler – Comment: At 52 I am now a health care provider for my 91 year old father I’ve gone through all my savings is a constant struggle my sister took all of my father’s money in 2006 he was sick at the time and she convinced him to change his will and he gave her all the money I’m here for my father 24 hours a day and If it wasn’t for me the last year and a half he would be dead. I’ve put my life on hold I put my relationship of 8 years on hold and it’s overwhelming at times

Sherri Diller – Comment: I fully agree!!  Dr.  Phil,  just take a look at the state differences that caregivers go through.  Boils my blood.  All types of government agencies claiming to help.  I have worked in a number of nursing homes and I am a single daughter,  caring for her single mom w/stage 4 alzhiermers,,  both from a dysfunctional background.  I love her dearly.  But I dont trust the system.  Your help is so needed.  My mom deserves so much more.  I am all she has.  When she goes,  I am the only one left.

Christina – Comment: Yes Bobbi, I will share your blog post. It’s so important. For some reason the word ‘respite’ goes unheard by many of those who are not caregivers.  I don’t know how many times I was asked what I wanted and I answered the same thing every time, respite hours for myself so I could catch up on sleep or just sit and do nothing. The answer was always, yes, but what else? I was even recommended to take antidepressants! Thankfully I had learned to speak up and stand up for both myself and my husband by the time that was suggested. They never mentioned it again!

As caregivers, even though we most definitely save the state money we are not looked upon as the assets we are. My conclusion to that crazy reality is that we are actually stopping the money from flowing in a certain direction that may be advantageous to some (greed!). My husband would have been in a nursing home years before his passing if I had let them take him. No rime or reason to that since that would have cost thousands of dollars per month compared to a few respite hours for me. Fortunately he never had to go to a nursing home.

Pat DiCesare – Comment: Dr. Phil, I think your audience would benefit from hearing Bobbi Carducci’s amazing and emotional story of her experience of being a caregiver to her father-in-law.

Beth Anderson – Comment – If only there could be a place to go where, at no cost to the caregiver, they could bring their loved ones to, to be cared for, if only for an hour or two. The caregiver could get a workout in, run a few errands or just sit and have some quiet time. I wish you luck in your efforts to help caregivers, but some family members have no idea what that caregiver does, how they feel, what they need or how they struggle with day to day activities. Thank you again.

****

Every 26 minutes another person in the U.S. is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another from of dementia.  The numbers are growing every day. Help me get help for caregivers.

I Prefer to Take Life One Panic Attack at a Time

06 Jun 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, caregiver, caregiver anger, Caregiving, Dementia, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

panic attackPanic attacks, migraine headaches, clumps of my hair clogging the shower drain. These are all things I experienced as a caregiver.  Stress was sapping my mental and physical reserves as his conditions worsened. I needed help.  People said, “Take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise. Get enough rest.”

Sure, I thought.  I’ll get right on that.

Are you kidding me?  If I were to be true to my instincts right now this page would be filled with some very strong, unbecoming language describing how useless advice is when it isn’t followed up with the resources to make a difference.

I’ve issued a challenge to Dr. Phil but it is also for family and friends of caregivers everywhere. The people caring for others now will be the ones needing care next. How dire their health issues will be are being greatly influenced by the degree of stress they are experiencing during the weeks, months, and years they are giving so much of themselves. You can make a difference.

If you can give much help, give much. If you can give only a little, give a little. A warm meal, short nap, a visit now and then will be appreciated more than you know. A full night’s rest is a blessing. Time to go to the grocery store and take in the aroma of fresh fruit could be like a vacation for someone who hadn’t been able to do it in months.

Please help!

More Comments for Dr. Phil in response to the Dr. Phil challenge:

Ann  – Comment: I agree. I am a cancer patient and my energy level is very low.

My husband is the caregiver for me and his mom who has dementia. I would love to see some real programs that would help caregivers cope. My husband is a loving caring person but I know at times it seems very overbearing to him.

Tammie Marett – Comment: I take care of my bedridden husband. He has no other family and we live over. 8 hours from mine who couldn’t help much anyway.  I would love to take your advice bit its all the same mumbo jumbo. There is no money for caregivers. My husband is a vet.  They offer me 2 respite days a month of only 6 hours each time.  You offered no solutions just the same tired advice.  This problem is going to get larger as the baby boomer generation ages.

Kristi Simmons – Comment: I am living the Oreo life. My husband and I are caregivers for my mother for the last 5 years.  I also have a 21 year old a 10 year old and a 6 year old.  My husband and I both work 40 hours a week. I have 3 siblings. My oldest brother takes care of my mom’s finances, which creates its own tension sometimes.  My other two siblings do nothing to help and often feel like it’s our responsibility to care for mom since we live with her rent free.  They don’t understand the mental and physical drain this can be.  We’re lucky, my mom is good natured and fairly easy to care for the majority of the time, but it’s hard to be caregiver, mother, teacher and wife 24/7 365.   We’ve been lucky enough to have friends that mom is comfortable enough with to stay with her so we caN take short trips with our kids occasionally.  Unless you’ve done this you have no clue how exhausting it is

Kathleen Tingler – Comment: I agree with your take on offering advice and not an alternative.  I am a full time care taker and have no one that wants to step up and help me find a way to catch a break even for an hour or so a week.

Rhonda Partin-Sharp – Comment: Oh, I agree with this article – gives us caregivers a way to take care of ourselves – when you are going on two hours of sleep a night because that is the ONLY way to get just the priorities done because you are taking care of two elderly parents – don’t tell me to get sufficient sleep.  That’s insane.  We need to stop telling the caregivers what to do better and need to start telling the lazy family members (every caregiver support group will tell you that it usually ends up being one person doing it all with not only no help from the family but judgment and pressure from the family) what they need to to do help.

Shannon Watstler – Comment: Yes please, caregivers do not always need unsolicited advise, just real quality help ! Many friends & family abandoned, compare their normal every day situations & give excuses “why they can’t help” or “they just want to know how the patient is & then have to go”. It’s a exhausting & never ending job, non-paying & sometimes you truly feel hopeless. If I ever have to go thru this again, I will def do things a little different & ask for more help. many people don’t handle situations of thinking about their own mortality-that’s sad ! How would they like to be in the same situation & hear excuses of why someone can’t help or just abandonment. It’s a lonely journey that no one understands except those that go thru it & are forced to deal with it head on every day even when they’d enjoy a few minutes of time for themselves.

Dawn D. Ames – Comment: This comment was right on.  My husband needs 24/7 care.  Getting out to get my owe scripts and groceries is extremely  difficult.  My children and a few friends try to help, but with his needs, the it is not always possible.  It has been three years.  It would be nice to have a couple of hours for church or to go out with friends in those times when I feel safe enough to leave him. Thanks Bobbi.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Caregivers Are Joining the Dr. Phil Challenge – Add Your Voice

02 Jun 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, Caregiving, family issues, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, sandwich generation, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Dr. Phil, I challenge you to use your huge resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to develop a program of grants to help caregivers follow your advice to accept help, rest, and take care of themselves so they can continue to care for those they love so much that they are willing to sacrifice their health to for them. Respite care is vital for caregivers and you can help provide it.

On May 30, 2015 I issued the challenge above to Dr. Phil to provide real help for caregivers instead of the same old advice to rest, eat right, exercise, take time to herself and not feel guilty that he told a young caregiver on the Dr. Phil Show on May 26th.

While only two responses appear in the message box on that initial post, I received many more via email and I will be posting them a few at a time so their voices are heard.

Please share these blog posts with as many people as possible and encourage them to do the same. There is strength in numbers and ours are growing every day.

Dr. Phil, Caregivers need help!

Jennifer Bailey – Comment: This woman is under as much stress as the people dealing with abuse- the abused never knows when he or she may be hit next, and on guard when the abuser is near, but the caretaker has to care for someone, worry at the things they see going wrong in front of their eyes… and when we are gone we have to wonder if those things are happening. Even when we have respite care you worry because the person does not know your loved one as well, and because they are alone with a person and often either helpless or have the potential to become violent when confused. We sleep when the loved one is safe, and often wake up to any small sound, like a parent of a small child. We eat when we can in our tasks, and for many of us it’s what we can afford after limiting our work hours to care for the person. Platitudes and the advice on every caregiver’s website do not help us.

Susan house – Comment: We need help usually only one person steps up to care for their loved one but boy everyone else has a lot of advice..there is no help there is no relief unless you have lots of money to spend..my husband and I would love to go in a vacation and know my mom was safe and cared for but can’t afford $15per hour x 24hrs x however many days I’m 59 yrs old my husband is 60 if mom lives 10 more years what if those are the best ten my husband and I have left..because with the stress of taking care of my mom whom I love and will care for until I can’t..May be that stress will kill me..sometimes you just need a break you just need to breathe you just need to…..and there’s no affordable help and how do u know if you hire someone that they will treat your loved one they way they should.there are no regulations to assure this its hire at your own risk and pay crazy money to a person who may not care..yes Dr Phil the number of people caring for dementia people is enough to blow your mind and more everyday and younger everyday there’s no cure no help no relief. You have to look at a shell of your loved one everyday. I pray my mom has a heart attack. Or gets cancer..something that will take her fast and soon..it’s quality of life not quantity..I don’t want her to not know me..my dad died from Parkinson’s and if I get sick I’d rather have dad’s disease any day to this…please help up we are everywhere nationwide. Crying everyday for the loss of our loved ones and all we have is a Alzheimer’s dementia page where we all go to share and vent and look for support..from each other..no one care about the millions of loved ones and the caregivers..no one wants to see what we struggle with everyday..just pray it never happens to you or someone you love because you will end up just like us with no one to turn to…am I a horrible daughter because I tuck my mom in bed every night and tell her I love her and then go and pray please God take her tonight!! And if he does I will find her in the morning and beg him to bring her back cause life without her seems unbearable..and then I realize she’s almost already gone

Vixen Brumback  – Comment: Please show more consern for caregivers.

Basia  – Comment: Please provide additional support for caregivers.

Jean Ostrom -Comment: I would love to be able to exercise regularly.  I haven’t had a full-night sleep in over a year.  I haven’t gone to a movie, a concert or gone shopping with my friends.  People keep telling me I have to take care of myself, but that is impossible when I am ALWAYS taking care of my husband.

Debbie Dunlap – Comment: I am a caregiver as well. We need help. Have the best insurance but so many rules it does us no good. However if my Dad was in Welfare we would have had help yesterday. Not a fair system

Audrey Besser – Comment: I care for my mother-in-law.  I would be willing to brain storm a way to start a support group to help each other’s household to let caregivers have there needed rest and relax time, including sharing adult care .  Yes disappointed about the lack of support by family & society.

Joanne Gerrard –Comment: Caregivers need the help and support and respite that gives them the help they need to give the care their loved one needs.

Margaret Smith – Comment: Caring for others is a challenge. We could use help at times.

Sherie Lynn Anderson – Comment: I support the challenge.

 R F – Comment: As the mother of a 15 year old son with autism I wholeheartedly identify with this article.  Being a caregiver is mentally and physically demanding.  The caregiver is often isolated with little to no support from family and friends. Cheap advice is easy to shell out.  People don’t know and they don’t want to know.

 Note: I have not made any changes or corrections to these posts. They appear exactly as written.  Individual email addresses are not included. However, I have the original posts and can provide them to Dr. Phil and/or the Dr. Phil Foundation on request.

Contact Dr. Phil:

Dr. Phil Foundation  – http://drphilfoundation.org/

The Dr. Phil Show http://www.drphil.com/

Twitter @DrPhil

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

**** Read a Related Post : Stop Telling Caregivers to Take A Break

 

 

 

 

Show Me the Path …

24 May 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, caregiver, Caregiving, Dementia, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Holy Spirit Welcome

When I am lost and uncertain what to do next I go quiet and pray.

“Show me the path you want me to take.”

I’ll be the first to admit the road is often bumpy and much longer than I had hoped but,

I always end up exactly where I need to be.

Caregivers, I know how hard this is and even this, my favorite prayer, will not change that. However,  I have learned that sometimes a prayer often repeated results in help arriving in the most opportune time from some very surprising sources.  Try it. It can’t hurt and it may help.

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Moment of Respite – A Dog Comes to Visit

18 May 2015 2 Comments

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, Dementia, family issues, home health care, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dog give me strengthI didn’t know how he would react but I was ready to try anything to brighten his day and relieve some of the stress we were both feeling. His daily walks were a thing of the past. His diet was severely restricted and either he wasn’t sleeping well or he was sleeping all the time. Mike and I discussed it and decided to contact some people we knew who trained therapy dogs and request a home a visit. We had heard stories of how people in nursing homes and hospitals would smile and begin to share stories about pets they had when the friendly animals came to visit. Nurses and staff members reported that patients were happier and more alert for hours, and in some cases days, after they dogs left. We felt it was worth a try.

I wish I had a picture of that visit. I had let Rodger know he was going to have two visitors, one of them a dog. He was skeptical at first.

“What am I gonna do with a dog? I can’t walk no more. Who will clean up after it?”

“The dog isn’t going to live here. He’s coming for a short visit.”

“Why?”

“For something different. To help pass the time.”

“Do what you want. I hope it doesn’t pee on the floor.”

Rodger rarely smiled but when a beautiful golden retriever slowly entered the room and sat at his feet he couldn’t help himself.

After introducing herself and her dog, who was wearing a vest identifying him as a therapy dog, the volunteer sat quietly and allowed Rodger and Casey to get acquainted.

Shortly after the smile appeared Rodger slowly leaned over and tentatively began to pet Casey.

“Did you have a dog as a pet when you were a boy?” the volunteer asked.

“No. No pets. In the old country dogs are for working. Not like here where pets are spoiled.”

And then he began to talk. He spoke about life on the farm. For a while he went back to a time and place where he was able to walk outside in the sun and work up an appetite for homemade pasta and oven fresh bread. He sat up straighter and the light so rarely seen in his eyes made an appearance. I could feel my neck muscles relax as I watched the transformation. He may not have had a pet growing up, and to him dogs were meant to work, but what he didn’t seem to notice was that this one was working too. Casey was working a little bit of magic for both of us and for that I was grateful.

For more information on the positive impact dogs can have on loved ones with dementia go to:

http://www.alzheimersproject.org/About-Us/News-Photos-and-Calendar/Latest-News/Pets-and-Dementia

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

Good Morning Caregivers – For Your Inner Peace

12 May 2015 Leave a comment

by Bobbi Carducci in care giving, caregiver, caregiver anger, caregiver humor, Caregiving, Dementia, family issues, home health care, Lewy Body Dementia, looping, mental illness, nursing, sandwich generation, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, understanding dementia, women's issues Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

 

inner peace

But if it does, if someone is driving you crazy with advice on how to do this and telling you things you already know and have heard so often you want to scream. If a family member is more concerned about where the money for care is going than how much you are giving up to be there for the one who needs you. If your loved one is failing fast and your heart is broken, know that I understand and I am here for you.

Sometimes there is no peace for us. Only the next moment and worry about what it will bring. For those minutes, hours, days, years, I send you my prayers every night.

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