Often Rodger would say to me or my husband, “It don’t make sense.”
He was right. This disease turned his world and ours inside out and upside down. Going up the down staircase was the only thing that did make sense. If we tried to approach the situation with logic, chaos ensued. Throughout our lives we are told to live in the moment. Mental illness and dementia made that imperative. We abandoned our reality and went into his feeling as lost as he did.
Many times he told the doctors that I was crazy. We thought the same of him. Who was right? The answer depended on the day. He had moments of clarity so crystal clear I sometimes wondered if he had been pretending much of the time. I had moments when I lost it so completely I was convinced I had gone over the edge and might never find my way back. Still we carried on. Step by step, day by day, we resumed our proper roles and began again the trek up the down staircase. Each a little bit crazy in our own way.
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The Imperfect Caregiver 
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