The Imperfect Caregiver

 “What time is it?”

“11:00 in the morning.”

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it?”

Thinking he didn’t hear me I told him again. “11:00 in the morning.”

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it?”

I sighed and turned down the sound on the TV and repeated the time once more.

Thirty seconds later – “What time is it.”

Then I knew. He’s mind was stuck in a loop. Before I understood what was happening I would get frustrated and angry with him. He would go on like that for hours. Why the hell did he do it? Didn’t he know it was annoying as hell? I was convinced he did it on purpose in order to get attention or to get back at me for controlling him as he often accused me of doing.

Then I learned more about dementia and how the brain works. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. He could no more stop repeating himself than a scratched old record album could stop from skipping when the needle reached a flawed groove. (If you’re too young to understand that reference, ask a baby boomer, he or she will explain it to you.)

Once I understood what was happening I was able to figure out what to do. I had to move his thoughts past the flaw in the groove so they could move on to the next section.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost time for lunch. Are you hungry?”

“No. What time is it?”

“It’s time to wash your face. Here is a warm cloth.”

The distraction helped for few minutes and then he asked again, “What time is it?”

“It’s time to fold these towels. Will you help me?”

“Yes. I have to do something sometime. It’s not good to sit and loaf all day.”

A few minutes pass in blessed silence as he folds the towels and I take them an unfold them to keep him occupied.

And then it happened. He looked up from his work and said, “My mother, she washed clothes on Monday. Monday was wash day.”

As he folded all the towels one more time he began to relate another memory of his youth. The needle had moved on and the result was truly music to my ears.

Note: It may take a few moments and some creative answers to move your loved one out of the loop but if you keep trying it will work and cut the time you both have to deal with to minutes instead of hours.

Does your loved one get stuck in a loop asking the same question or saying the same thing over and over? How do you handle it? I’d love to hear from you. Post your response in the comment block below.

Click here for Exclusive 20% Discount for Blog Followers

Also available on Amazon

Published by Open Books Press – $15.95 Print $2.99 e-book.