Being a caregiver for a loved one is lonely. From morning til night, and often well beyond, caregivers are on call even when our loved ones demand we leave them alone. We become the bad guys. The woman or man who insists they bathe when they don’t want to and serve them food when they have no wish to eat. Our parents or our spouses resent being treated like children. Their losses are devastating and they resent being reminded of them. Days go by when they don’t say a word. Some can’t. Others were told long ago not to speak to strangers and that is who we have become.
Knowing we are busy and often unable to leave the house our friends drift away. Not intentionally. It simply happens. They visit a few times only to find us distracted and harried, on constant alert for a call from our loved one or the sound of that horrible thump that signals another fall. Sometimes we cry and then refuse to follow well intentioned advice to take time for ourselves and get enough rest. We aren’t as much fun as we used to be. I get it. But still we need you. If only for a few minutes now and then we need you to come by and share a cup of coffee with us. We need a bit of adult conversation. Having a friend say, “Tell me about it,” and then sit back and listen as we speak is a moment of respite we cherish.
Please, even if you only have a few moments, be a friend to a caregiver today. Someone is waiting.
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The Imperfect Caregiver 
Nov 05, 2014 @ 02:36:55
Thank you. I did not realize this is what had happened to me. Even after all is over, it is hard to get friends back.
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Nov 05, 2014 @ 13:53:16
I am happy to learn that what I write has helped you in some small way. That is why I started this blog and wrote the book, Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver. Please stay in touch.
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Nov 05, 2014 @ 20:53:24
It is a very difficult Journey because we as Caregivers Are “forgotten” there are times I wish I could be a full time caregiver again because your loved is the only one that really remembers you Thank you Bobby
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Nov 05, 2014 @ 21:18:17
I too would be a caregiver again. I call it the hardest job I ever loved. A gift beyond measure. Bless you for all you did for your loved one.
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Nov 06, 2014 @ 14:14:15
Just wanted to say that i had an early start w/ caregiving. My Dad, ages 65-69 severe depression, 4 yrs in his bed. I was 10yrs thru to 14 yrs. Grandma-dementia, Mom, mother-in-law, brother in law, sister in law- various cancers, I am still a caregiver for others and have been since my above listed family have passed on. It’s rough road that you walk, i have been there and continue to follow the same path. You have to remember that they are angry and confused, scared and maybe in pain and they are reacting in the only way they know how at that moment in time.
Be patient w/them and yourself and take a deep breath just to stay sane. If anyone tells you not to become attached to the person you are caring for if they are not a relative or friend and just a job, I’ll tell you it’s not possible… If you have a Heart You can do anything…
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Nov 06, 2014 @ 14:30:10
Marie,
Youare a wonderful person and your family is blessed to have you. Not everyone can do this. Bless you and your family.
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