When You Fall to the Floor and Shatter

shattered

Caregivers and those in their care have been tipped over by the gusts of life.  Many of our loved ones have fallen and broken bones, many more have had memories break away piece by piece creating razor sharp shards of anger and resentment in their place. They lash out at us in their confusion inadvertently causing us to begin to break as well.

Often those around us fail to see the damage these devastating diseases bring about. Too often others see it and choose to “walk around the pieces, lest they cut themselves upon the scatter.”

Today and every day it is my hope that you have someone in your life to glue you back together.  If you are alone in this, know that I understand and I am here for you.

Feel free to reach out to me via the comments section on this blog or privately via email at bcarducci@comcast.net

Caregivers need help. Please join me in continuing the Dr. Phil Challenge and encourage him to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provide real help to caregivers who need it most.  Go http://www.drphil.com and leave a comment on his website supporting my plea.

 

 

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Holding Tight When They Are At Their Worst

when at your worst

Caregivers, you are home to the ones in your care. The place where they are loved regardless of their behavior.  For most of them you are the only one keeping them safe from themselves. You are the gatekeeper fighting valiantly against the bitter, ugly diseases that attack them every day.

Being a warrior against a foe so powerful is brutal in its demands. You probably didn’t know how hard it would be when you took in the role. Now it’s draining you. Keeping you awake at night. Taking a toll on your health because you can’t leave the house to see your own doctor. Yet you continue for it is your arms holding them tight. You are their home.

Blessed be.

I invite you to share some of the worst things you have to cope with as a caregiver. Perhaps your story will help someone else get through the day. If you prefer to be anonymous you may contact me directly via email bcarducci@comcast.net  and I will post your comment for you.

It may even help to get Dr. Phil’s attention and get him to respond to the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to provide grant money to assist caregivers most in need of help.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Please Be Kind

Encouragers wanted

Be kind to everyone may be too tall an order even for the most saintly among us. So, I am not going to ask that of you. I do ask that you be kind to the caregivers. The women, men, teens, young adults, paid caregivers, family caregivers, friend caregivers, etc. Be kind to them all.  Try as they may, caregivers never win. The ending of their story is inevitable. The pain is overwhelming.

Many will ask, “What can I do to help.”  The answers to that are too numerous to list so here are a few suggestions.

Stop in for a visit. Prepare a hot meal or have one delivered once a month.  Sit and talk with the person needing care so the caregiver can take a nap. Go to the grocery store.  Give the caregiver a day off to rest. Think, “What would I need most in his or her situation?” and do what you want people to do for you.

Be kind to caregivers. Become and encourager. Behavior is communication. What is your behavior saying to the caregiver in your family?

Oh, and help me get Dr. Phil’s attention. Encourage him to accept the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish grants to help caregivers most in need of respite. You can send him a message via the following social media links.

http://drphilfoundation.org/  http://www.drphil.com/ @DrPhil

 https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

 

 

 

How Do I Get Him To Eat?

why train in my mouth

This picture made me laugh. I remember playing that game with my little ones when they were reluctant to eat.  Food was strange. Textures felt weird in their mouth. Green stuff tasted okay but the orange glop? Disgusting.  Sweet stuff? Now we’re talking.

Sound familiar caregivers?

I remember Rodger telling his doctor that he loved vegetables. It was true. He was a farm boy used to eating them fresh from the field.  When he developed severe swallowing problems and his diet was limited to pureed foods and thickened liquids I made a lot of thick vegetable soups and stews, doing all I could to make sure they were full of nutrition and tasted good.  So, when the doctor asked which vegetable was his favorite I was surprised to hear him say, “Pudding, the white kind.”

For several days he’d been eating smaller and smaller portions of the purees, pushing my hand away when I tried to get him to eat more. I was at a loss as to what to do.

“Pudding, the white kind.” I thought.

If pudding was what he liked, pudding he would get. It was thick enough he could swallow it. It didn’t melt into a liquid like ice cream would, putting him at risk of aspirating and it was made with milk. There was nutrition in there and he liked it.  We both were happier when I helped him eat a few bites of the pureed food and as much of the pudding as he wanted.

There comes a time when we have to let go of what was and embrace what is.  Foods they once loved no longer taste good and when that happens many of them want only sweet things. Ask the person in your care what his or her favorite food is. You might be surprised and inspired by the answer.

The Dr .Phil Challenge Continues

Dr. Phil, I challenge you to use your huge resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to develop a program of grants to help caregivers follow your advice to accept help, rest, take care of themselves so they can continue to care for those they love so much that they are willing to sacrifice their health to for them.

 Blog readers: Here is the link to the Dr. Phil episode referenced in this post.  The segment on caregiving starts at around the 34 minute mark. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXR1PddbrfQ

If you support my challenge to Dr. Phil to do more than offer advice to caregivers please let him know via Facebook and/or Twitter and any other social media sites you use and by sharing this post with everyone you know and asking them to do the same.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

The Agony of Relief

For seven years I was his constant companion. The one he railed against and accused of trying to poison him. The one he insisted was his best friend on the good days when he was lucid.

“Without her I’d be a gonner,” he would say.

In the beginning I was his chauffer taking him to his many doctor appointments. At first we took the 40 minute drive over the mountain to the VA hospital every three months.  As his various ailments, including dementia and Parkinson’s disease, progressed the appointments came more often.  Dysphagia came next. He could no longer swallow properly. His diet was limited to pureed food and thickened liquids. He had trouble swallowing his saliva. Aspiration pneumonia resulted in several long hospital stays weakening him further and requiring doctor visits once a month.  Then he had a heart attack and a pacemaker was inserted. Blood clots developed in his arm as a result. Frequent blood tests to monitor his clotting ability meant more trips to the hospital. Eventually we were going every week.

He continued to fail and eventually he entered home hospice care and we no longer made the drive.

He was hearing voices again and becoming more delusional as the dementia progressed and the medication he had been taking since his early twenties for schizophrenia began to lose effect.  Still, we prayed for a miracle comeback. He’d done it before. We’d think we were losing him, prepare for the worst and just when we began to lose hope he would gather the inner resources and strength that had defined him all of his life.

He’d gone from farm boy to defiant resister of the Gestapo who had taken over his country. He moved to America as young man to start a new life. He enlisted in the Army to serve his new homeland. It was while in the service he had his first psychotic break.

This brilliant man who spoke seven languages and held advanced degrees in literature and mathematics would never be the same. Electric shock treatments, ice baths, experimental treatments and increasingly strong antipsychotic drugs robbed him of memory and kept him sedated at all times. After thirteen years he was released. He married and raised two sons. He was a hero in so many ways.

As he began to fail I did too. Sleepless nights, constant stress, the guilt that came with knowing I couldn’t save him took its toll. The two of us were barely functioning.

I fed him. Changed his soiled Depends. Wiped his bottom. Bathed him. Dressed him. Sat up all night listening to him breathe.  The night he died Mike and I sat with him, holding his hand, doing everything we could to keep him comfortable.

In the early hours of his 83rd birthday he took his last breath.  This amazing man who had challenged me in so many ways and taught me so much about what real strength of character looks like was gone.

It took a while for the tears to come.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked my husband.

And then it started. A slow trickle at first, followed by the first stabs of grief. I cried so long I wondered if it would ever stop. When it finally did, I wiped my eyes, blew my nose and started over again and again and again. It was only after I had exhausted my tears and my body that I could face the awful truth. It was not only grief that brought me to my knees. It was the agony of relief. His suffering was over and that meant I was finally free.

Intellectually I know my feelings were normal under the circumstances but there is still a little voice inside that continues to ask, What’s wrong with me?”

I continue to ask for your support and comments in response to the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish a grant to offer real help to caregivers most in need.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/  http://www.drphil.com/   @DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Today It’s All About You

how do you feel todayKnow that I think of you every day. And pray for you each night.  You are not alone and I truly want to know how you feel today. In fact, I invite you to comment and share your thoughts, frustrations, rants, moments of clarity and grace, the funny stuff and the heartbreaking interactions that bring on that insidious guilt we have all experienced.

Blessed be, caregivers.  Sharing your story may help a caregiver who is feeling very alone.

Join me in urging Dr. Phil to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provide help and respite for caregivers most in need.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

 

 

Despite All My Good Intentions, I’d Let Him Down.

 

where have I gone wrong

The first time I met him, when Mike and I first started seeing one another, he reminded me so much of someone dear to me that I felt as if I’d already known him for a long time.

Mike was living with his parents then, renting a large room on the third floor of the row house he’d grown up in, while looking for an apartment closer to work. We’d spent the afternoon together, and then he’d taken me to his room to show me his drum set and to play a few songs before I had to go home to my kids. Recently divorced and not used to dating, I was shy and unsure of myself. I wasn’t comfortable being there at all and was relieved when he played the last note and offered to walk me to my car.

Descending the stairs, I noticed just the toes of a man’s shoes, cheap, black, and rubber-soled. Then white socks, sagging around his ankles, came into view. His pants were navy blue. Since he was still seated, I couldn’t confirm that their seat was almost worn through, but I knew instinctively that would be the case. It’s just the same with the brown pair he wears when the blue ones are in the wash, I thought.

I watched him dig his heels into the footrest of his chair, easing the back upright so he could stand and offer a hand in greeting. A too-large brown belt circled his waist, welts of strain scarring the surface at various places, marking recent fluctuations in his weight. His shirt was a whisper-thin old thing, tucked inexpertly into the baggy pants he pulled up to a height only very old men find comfortable.

I felt a smile of recognition cross my face when his features came into view. Everything about him reminded me of my Uncle Louie. The fact that Louie was not just my uncle but my great-uncle, my personal godfather, and the only Italian in my big Irish family made him appear to be a man of epic proportions. He was shorter, darker, fatter, and far more interesting than any of the skinny, red-headed, freckle-faced men who chased after us when my brothers, sister, and cousins and I couldn’t contain our wild selves a minute longer and tried to uphold the age-old Celtic tradition of fighting like a bunch of hooligans.

Whenever I’d stay with my godparents for a weekend, Uncle Louie would let me sit on his lap while he drank a beer or a highball. He even let me have a sip now and then. I didn’t like the taste of either one but I never told him so. I had an idea in my head that sipping whiskey just naturally went along with watching the Friday night fights, and I wasn’t about to risk losing that privilege for anything.

While Uncle Louie’s gaze remained glued to the tiny black-and-white TV screen, I’d watch the crinkly lines around his eyes deepen each time he’d take a drag off his Camel cigarette and wonder how he got those puffy little bags to grow beneath his lower lashes like that.

My God, I thought as Mike began the introductions, even his chair looks the same.

“Dad, I’d like you to meet Bobbi.”

Shaking off the memory of one person in order to acknowledge the presence of another, I greeted the man who would become my father-in-law, convinced I’d seen something familiar in him. They have the same light in their eyes, I thought with affection.

Sitting in a hospital parking lot so many years later, I was just beginning to discover how very wrong I’d been.

Had he been pretending all these years? Is the real Rodger the one who announced to the nursing staff that I’m useless and no damned good? Does the medicine he takes every day allow him to be himself, or does it mask his true nature? Who is this man who lives in my house and paces the halls late at night?

As hard as I tried to block out the thoughts, I couldn’t stop the images from coming. Flashes of movie maniacs appeared, unbidden. Norman Bates from Psycho leered through a curtain of memory only to be replaced by rapid-fire clips of Jack Torrance careening through the halls of the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.

“Stop being ridiculous,” I said, shaking off the mood I’d created and starting the car.

As I turned onto the highway I told myself that my thoughts and the fact that I was now talking to myself in an otherwise empty car were more an indication of my mental state than his.

I knew from my research that schizophrenics aren’t the knife-wielding lunatics often portrayed in movies. Most of them are timid, introverted people who want to be left alone. Unfortunately, very often when they get their wish they end up homeless, in the hospital, or in jail. And sometimes, even when they aren’t left alone, those things happen.

Where did I go wrong? What did I miss and how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again? Those questions and more went unanswered as I covered the miles between the hospital and home, my mind and body too tired to cope with the guilt I felt at that moment. Despite all my good intentions, I’d let him down.

This post  above is an excerpt from Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver ©.  Knowing I am truly imperfect inspired me to become a caregiver advocate and to create this blog.

Dr. Phil, Caregivers need help. Please accept the challenge and use your resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provided real help for caregivers.

To Contact Dr. Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/   http://www.drphil.com/ @DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Help me get help for caregivers. Join the Dr. Phil Challenge. Post you comments here:

 

A Much Nicer Way to Say What I Was Thinking

open your mouth only if

Shut … the … hell … up!  That’s what caregivers would like to say. No not say, scream, when family members drop by for a short visit and begin to offer comments like this:

“She looks fine to me. Why do pretend taking care of her is harder than it is?”

“Mom told me her things are disappearing. What’s going on?”

“What do you mean it’s time to look at placing Dad in a nursing home? I promised him I’d never do that.”

“He’s lost a lot of weight. Why aren’t you feeding him enough?”

“I can’t take her. I have a very busy life. You get to stay home all day and watch TV.”

“I should have known better than to invite you! You always have some lame excuse.”

“We can’t make it for his birthday. We’re leaving for vacation in Italy that day.”

Caregivers, I invite you to share some the absurd things family and friends have said to you. Feel free to also add what you would like to have said in return and didn’t. (If responded with a great comeback feel free to share that too.)

Friends and family members – I challenge you memorize and follow the advice in the quote above. Dr. Phil, that goes for you too.

More Caregivers comment on  the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish a grant to help the caregivers who need it most.

steven chandler – Comment: At 52 I am now a health care provider for my 91 year old father I’ve gone through all my savings is a constant struggle my sister took all of my father’s money in 2006 he was sick at the time and she convinced him to change his will and he gave her all the money I’m here for my father 24 hours a day and If it wasn’t for me the last year and a half he would be dead. I’ve put my life on hold I put my relationship of 8 years on hold and it’s overwhelming at times

Sherri Diller – Comment: I fully agree!!  Dr.  Phil,  just take a look at the state differences that caregivers go through.  Boils my blood.  All types of government agencies claiming to help.  I have worked in a number of nursing homes and I am a single daughter,  caring for her single mom w/stage 4 alzhiermers,,  both from a dysfunctional background.  I love her dearly.  But I dont trust the system.  Your help is so needed.  My mom deserves so much more.  I am all she has.  When she goes,  I am the only one left.

Christina – Comment: Yes Bobbi, I will share your blog post. It’s so important. For some reason the word ‘respite’ goes unheard by many of those who are not caregivers.  I don’t know how many times I was asked what I wanted and I answered the same thing every time, respite hours for myself so I could catch up on sleep or just sit and do nothing. The answer was always, yes, but what else? I was even recommended to take antidepressants! Thankfully I had learned to speak up and stand up for both myself and my husband by the time that was suggested. They never mentioned it again!

As caregivers, even though we most definitely save the state money we are not looked upon as the assets we are. My conclusion to that crazy reality is that we are actually stopping the money from flowing in a certain direction that may be advantageous to some (greed!). My husband would have been in a nursing home years before his passing if I had let them take him. No rime or reason to that since that would have cost thousands of dollars per month compared to a few respite hours for me. Fortunately he never had to go to a nursing home.

Pat DiCesare – Comment: Dr. Phil, I think your audience would benefit from hearing Bobbi Carducci’s amazing and emotional story of her experience of being a caregiver to her father-in-law.

Beth Anderson – Comment – If only there could be a place to go where, at no cost to the caregiver, they could bring their loved ones to, to be cared for, if only for an hour or two. The caregiver could get a workout in, run a few errands or just sit and have some quiet time. I wish you luck in your efforts to help caregivers, but some family members have no idea what that caregiver does, how they feel, what they need or how they struggle with day to day activities. Thank you again.

****

Every 26 minutes another person in the U.S. is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another from of dementia.  The numbers are growing every day. Help me get help for caregivers.

The Face of a Caregiver

I usually avoid cameras. I prefer the illusion that I look better than whatever shows up after the click or whirr that indicates my image has been recorded digitally or on film. Today I am shedding my vanity to show you what the face of a caregiver came to look like.

caregiving pic Bobbi

Bobbi in 2005 – three years as a caregiver. Four more to go.

When my father-in-law came to live with us I had a full time job. I went to the gym every day. I slept well and I ate right. All the things a caregiver is advised to do. Little by little it all fell away.

First the job went. My boss was understanding. I was even offered the chance to work from home most of the time and go into the office only as needed. We tried it for a while. It didn’t work. I was failing there and at home unable to give either the attention they needed.

Next to go was working out at the gym.  A half hour drive there and back plus an hour workout was too much time away. It wasn’t safe long before he needed constant supervision. He’d forget things on the stove and, for some reason, he liked to dry wet tissues on the light bulb of the lamp in his room. The risk of a fire scared me so much I bought a baby monitor to keep an eye on him.

Eating right was next to go. My diet became much like that of an exhausted mother of a newborn or a temperamental toddler. Feed him and grab what you can. The remains of sandwich here, a few chips there. Every now and then a yogurt cup to convince myself nutrition hadn’t fallen by the wayside entirely.

Getting enough rest became a hope for the future. A future I didn’t dare admit I thought about for it meant he would be gone and to wish for this dreadful disease to be over was wrong, wasn’t it?

For seven years I did the best I could. He did the same. It took a huge toll on me. It took his life away. I miss him. I would do it again if needed.

It’s important that people understand how hard it is. Perhaps by sharing what the face of a caregiver becomes someone, maybe even Dr. Phil, will get it. Caregivers need help. Caregivers need you.

Bobbi now

Bobbi on July 26, 2014 as we honored him on his birthday and shared his story with the public for the first time.   I look years younger and feel it as well. I hope he was smiling along with me.

More voices urging Dr. Phil to help caregivers.

Diane Waterman – Comment: I didn’t see Doctor Phil’s show, but I can tell you from experience, being a caretaker to someone sick or elderly could never pay enough for what these people do. I cared for my sister with help from my children, for the last months of her life. She had Lung Cancer! I have Fibromyalgia myself and was dealing with daily pain. I did everything I could to take care of myself, if it wasn’t for my own adult children, I would not have survived. They gave me breaks night time. The whole year was cruel in many ways, I had to deal with a very dysfunctional family as well! I was relieved when she finally passed on July 10th 2013, not only for her , but for myself!!  RIP Mona, I love you and miss you! Xoxo

Pamela Lynne Kemp  – Comment: Thank you to everyone for sharing your story.  You speak for so many of us.

Beth Anderson – Comment: I am full-time caregiver for my Mom who turns 85 in a couple of weeks. My mom has Alzheimer’s and Dementia as well as numerous other ailments. I have been Mom’s full-time caregiver since 2006 and after a recent fall, I am with Mom 24/7. I split my time at her home and bring her home with me for what she calls ” a mini vacation.” I am not a saint or looking for recognition, I just realize that it take a special person to take on the role of caregiver. I make most of her meals, take her to all of her appointments, set up her medications, bathe her, clean her after messy bathroom visits, take her for walks, take her to the nature center, the pumpkin patch, graduation parties, weddings and if my husband and I take a vacation, Mom goes along. I get occasional breaks, thanks to two of my sisters, but their work schedules are a usually a conflict. My husband has been so supportive through this chapter in Mom’s life as difficult and exhausting it may be. People do not know my story, as I do not know other people’s stories. With that being said, be kind to everyone. Offer assistance whenever you can. Smile, even though you don’t feel you have much to smile about, it could make all the difference in the world. Stay positive! Thank you to all caregivers, I am walking in your shoes! Love you Mom!

Sherri D – Comment: I’ve been caring for my severely disabled son for almost 15 years, with many more to go. Some say it’s my duty as his mother and they may be right, but it’s BC I LOVE HIM I have up my life for him. I’m coming out of a second marriage 😦  I don’t go anywhere with friends or much else. I used to be a dance teacher and dancing was my life. Now I’m a stay at home mom… Lonely and tired. With no relief in sight.

Linnea Hedborn – Comment: I am primary caregiver to my 95 year old mother. Every single day is a battle to be heard by her doctors and my family. I can’t let down for one second…not one. I have to keep so many different balls spinning in the air, no matter what my own financial situation (dire) or mental and physical health is. The latter is going fast. To be told to “take care of myself” is patronizing and unhelpful.

Stacey Belt – Comment: I have quit jobs to care for three family members who have now died.  I now need help and find myself unemployed, homeless and about to fight melanoma for the second time.  Guess what? I have no one to care for me, no one, zip, zilch, zero!  I gave up everything three times to care for family and now the best thing that can happen is I die quickly since I am homeless, jobless, penniless and have no support!! That’s the thanks I get! But hey, God has a special place in heaven for me or so I’m told! What a great thing to look forward to right?!

To contact Dr. Phil directly and ask him to accept my challenge to offer real help to caregivers go to the following links.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

I Prefer to Take Life One Panic Attack at a Time

panic attackPanic attacks, migraine headaches, clumps of my hair clogging the shower drain. These are all things I experienced as a caregiver.  Stress was sapping my mental and physical reserves as his conditions worsened. I needed help.  People said, “Take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise. Get enough rest.”

Sure, I thought.  I’ll get right on that.

Are you kidding me?  If I were to be true to my instincts right now this page would be filled with some very strong, unbecoming language describing how useless advice is when it isn’t followed up with the resources to make a difference.

I’ve issued a challenge to Dr. Phil but it is also for family and friends of caregivers everywhere. The people caring for others now will be the ones needing care next. How dire their health issues will be are being greatly influenced by the degree of stress they are experiencing during the weeks, months, and years they are giving so much of themselves. You can make a difference.

If you can give much help, give much. If you can give only a little, give a little. A warm meal, short nap, a visit now and then will be appreciated more than you know. A full night’s rest is a blessing. Time to go to the grocery store and take in the aroma of fresh fruit could be like a vacation for someone who hadn’t been able to do it in months.

Please help!

More Comments for Dr. Phil in response to the Dr. Phil challenge:

Ann  – Comment: I agree. I am a cancer patient and my energy level is very low.

My husband is the caregiver for me and his mom who has dementia. I would love to see some real programs that would help caregivers cope. My husband is a loving caring person but I know at times it seems very overbearing to him.

Tammie Marett – Comment: I take care of my bedridden husband. He has no other family and we live over. 8 hours from mine who couldn’t help much anyway.  I would love to take your advice bit its all the same mumbo jumbo. There is no money for caregivers. My husband is a vet.  They offer me 2 respite days a month of only 6 hours each time.  You offered no solutions just the same tired advice.  This problem is going to get larger as the baby boomer generation ages.

Kristi Simmons – Comment: I am living the Oreo life. My husband and I are caregivers for my mother for the last 5 years.  I also have a 21 year old a 10 year old and a 6 year old.  My husband and I both work 40 hours a week. I have 3 siblings. My oldest brother takes care of my mom’s finances, which creates its own tension sometimes.  My other two siblings do nothing to help and often feel like it’s our responsibility to care for mom since we live with her rent free.  They don’t understand the mental and physical drain this can be.  We’re lucky, my mom is good natured and fairly easy to care for the majority of the time, but it’s hard to be caregiver, mother, teacher and wife 24/7 365.   We’ve been lucky enough to have friends that mom is comfortable enough with to stay with her so we caN take short trips with our kids occasionally.  Unless you’ve done this you have no clue how exhausting it is

Kathleen Tingler – Comment: I agree with your take on offering advice and not an alternative.  I am a full time care taker and have no one that wants to step up and help me find a way to catch a break even for an hour or so a week.

Rhonda Partin-Sharp – Comment: Oh, I agree with this article – gives us caregivers a way to take care of ourselves – when you are going on two hours of sleep a night because that is the ONLY way to get just the priorities done because you are taking care of two elderly parents – don’t tell me to get sufficient sleep.  That’s insane.  We need to stop telling the caregivers what to do better and need to start telling the lazy family members (every caregiver support group will tell you that it usually ends up being one person doing it all with not only no help from the family but judgment and pressure from the family) what they need to to do help.

Shannon Watstler – Comment: Yes please, caregivers do not always need unsolicited advise, just real quality help ! Many friends & family abandoned, compare their normal every day situations & give excuses “why they can’t help” or “they just want to know how the patient is & then have to go”. It’s a exhausting & never ending job, non-paying & sometimes you truly feel hopeless. If I ever have to go thru this again, I will def do things a little different & ask for more help. many people don’t handle situations of thinking about their own mortality-that’s sad ! How would they like to be in the same situation & hear excuses of why someone can’t help or just abandonment. It’s a lonely journey that no one understands except those that go thru it & are forced to deal with it head on every day even when they’d enjoy a few minutes of time for themselves.

Dawn D. Ames – Comment: This comment was right on.  My husband needs 24/7 care.  Getting out to get my owe scripts and groceries is extremely  difficult.  My children and a few friends try to help, but with his needs, the it is not always possible.  It has been three years.  It would be nice to have a couple of hours for church or to go out with friends in those times when I feel safe enough to leave him. Thanks Bobbi.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

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