A Call for Help For Caregivers

Below is a link to an article in the November/December Issue of Virginia Woman Magazine (Loudoun) titled A Caregiver Near You Needs Help.

Feel free to share the link as you see fit. Who knows, it may make a difference for someone.

http://issuu.com/virginiawomanmagazine/docs/loudounnovdec2015highresnobleeds/17?e=17049404/31065692

Giveaway for Caregivers

Caregiver Bracelet

Free to Followers of The Imperfect Caregiver

(US Residents Only)

Caregivers need all the support they can get. One way to increase awareness is to show the world how many of us there are, including caregivers, those who have been caregivers, and those who may become caregivers.  Our numbers grow every day and will continue to increase until cures for Alzheimer’s, all the other forms of dementia, and traumatic brain disease are found.  One way to do that is to display our support for all to see.

To receive a free Caregivers Are Heroes bracelet: Follow The Imperfect Caregiver blog and send a request in the comment section below. Include your name and complete mailing address. Address will not be published on this site.   Requests may also be sent to me directly via email at bcarducci@comcast.net  No mailing costs or hidden fees apply. This is my gift to individual caregivers.  Current followers are eligible for this free gift.

Dr. Phil, we need your help! Please use your resources and that of the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to help caregivers most in need receive the help and support they so desperately need.

To add your voice to mine contact Dr. Phil at www.DrPhil.com

 

 

 

Caregivers Are Beautiful

beautiful woman

Caregivers are unique in every way. It is the caring we do that brings us together and links us in a way that cannot be broken. Know that the Imperfect Caregiver understands how special you are, even when you believe you are failing. Blessed be.

Dr. Phil, Help the Caregivers who need it most. http://www.drphil.com

Winner, Winner

find some humor

Sometimes all you can do is laugh. The following is an excerpt from my book, Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver.

When he first came to live with us, the only things he asked us to buy for him were Milk of Magnesia and prune juice. He had prescriptions for stool softeners and laxatives issued by his former doctors and continued by his new doctor. He constantly complained of constipation, greeting everyone he spoke to, including strangers, with “Hello. How’s everything? My bowels don’t move.” If he did happen to go, he made sure he told them about that as well, in great detail. It soon became clear he was taking far too much of the stuff. Every day, in the morning and at midday, he’d drink a large glass of prune juice, followed by Milk of Magnesia. Often he’d wait a few moments after taking it, look at his watch, and take some more. A few moments later he’d do it again. One day, after just telling me he’d had a bowel movement, I saw him drink another large glass of prune juice and reach for the Milk of Magnesia.

“Why are you taking that? “ I asked.

“For the constipation,” he said.

“But you just went.”

“That don’t count. It was all liquid.”

That’s when I knew I had to do something. No matter how we tried to explain it to him, he wouldn’t accept that it was the laxatives that were causing his problem. The more he took, the worse it got—and the more he worried—resulting in a vicious cycle that was interfering in his normal bodily functions. His psychiatrist said that it’s not unusual for a schizophrenic to keep track of what goes in and out of his body. In his mind, solid food was going in but nothing solid was coming out. That meant something was very wrong. Once I began to limit his access to prune juice and Milk of Magnesia, and started monitoring his use of laxatives, he started showing signs of stress. He paced and muttered to himself and began making frequent trips to the bathroom where he’d sit for hours, waiting for something to happen. I hated to see him like that, but I had to ease him off the stuff. His doctor tried to help by telling him that taking too many laxatives could interfere with his other medications and land him back in the hospital. He wasn’t buying it. When I wouldn’t give in, he complained to Mike, and when Mike backed me up, he called him one of the worst insults he could think of.

“You’re nothing but a dictator! You’re another Mussolini, that’s what you are!”

Later, after Rodger calmed down and we were getting ready for bed, Mike looked over at me and shook his head. “Mussolini? Now I’m Mussolini?”

I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The giggles I’d been trying hard to stifle came rolling out. “The Mussolini of laxatives!” I laughed harder. “You Fascist poop dictator!”

Mike looked at me in confusion for a moment, and then the hilarity of the situation hit him and he was laughing as hard as I was. I laughed so hard I got the hiccups, and that made us laugh even more. We ended up rolling on the bed, laughter feeding more laughter, until we were exhausted.

“Oh wow, I needed that,” I said when I was finally able to catch my breath.

“Me too,” Mike agreed. “I don’t know how you do it every day. He’s so damned stubborn. I’m glad I’m not like that.”

“Right.” I poked him the ribs. “Me either. I’m not stubborn. I’m determined.”

“Yes, dear,” Mike said with a grin. “Do you think you can determine to keep loving me through all this?”

“Sure, if you can determine to come over here and give me a kiss.”

“Sure thing, Babe.” He enveloped me in his arms and kissed me, both of still chuckling.

If you’ve have a winning moment that laugh you laughing, I invite you to share it here:

And if you want to vent – Please join me in pinging on Dr. Phil to use his resources to help caregivers via creating a grant for respite care and other kinds of help for caregivers who need it most.  Send him a message at www.drphil.com

How Do I Get Him To Eat?

why train in my mouth

This picture made me laugh. I remember playing that game with my little ones when they were reluctant to eat.  Food was strange. Textures felt weird in their mouth. Green stuff tasted okay but the orange glop? Disgusting.  Sweet stuff? Now we’re talking.

Sound familiar caregivers?

I remember Rodger telling his doctor that he loved vegetables. It was true. He was a farm boy used to eating them fresh from the field.  When he developed severe swallowing problems and his diet was limited to pureed foods and thickened liquids I made a lot of thick vegetable soups and stews, doing all I could to make sure they were full of nutrition and tasted good.  So, when the doctor asked which vegetable was his favorite I was surprised to hear him say, “Pudding, the white kind.”

For several days he’d been eating smaller and smaller portions of the purees, pushing my hand away when I tried to get him to eat more. I was at a loss as to what to do.

“Pudding, the white kind.” I thought.

If pudding was what he liked, pudding he would get. It was thick enough he could swallow it. It didn’t melt into a liquid like ice cream would, putting him at risk of aspirating and it was made with milk. There was nutrition in there and he liked it.  We both were happier when I helped him eat a few bites of the pureed food and as much of the pudding as he wanted.

There comes a time when we have to let go of what was and embrace what is.  Foods they once loved no longer taste good and when that happens many of them want only sweet things. Ask the person in your care what his or her favorite food is. You might be surprised and inspired by the answer.

The Dr .Phil Challenge Continues

Dr. Phil, I challenge you to use your huge resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to develop a program of grants to help caregivers follow your advice to accept help, rest, take care of themselves so they can continue to care for those they love so much that they are willing to sacrifice their health to for them.

 Blog readers: Here is the link to the Dr. Phil episode referenced in this post.  The segment on caregiving starts at around the 34 minute mark. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXR1PddbrfQ

If you support my challenge to Dr. Phil to do more than offer advice to caregivers please let him know via Facebook and/or Twitter and any other social media sites you use and by sharing this post with everyone you know and asking them to do the same.

To Contact Dr.Phil and add your voice to mine click on the links below.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

A Much Nicer Way to Say What I Was Thinking

open your mouth only if

Shut … the … hell … up!  That’s what caregivers would like to say. No not say, scream, when family members drop by for a short visit and begin to offer comments like this:

“She looks fine to me. Why do pretend taking care of her is harder than it is?”

“Mom told me her things are disappearing. What’s going on?”

“What do you mean it’s time to look at placing Dad in a nursing home? I promised him I’d never do that.”

“He’s lost a lot of weight. Why aren’t you feeding him enough?”

“I can’t take her. I have a very busy life. You get to stay home all day and watch TV.”

“I should have known better than to invite you! You always have some lame excuse.”

“We can’t make it for his birthday. We’re leaving for vacation in Italy that day.”

Caregivers, I invite you to share some the absurd things family and friends have said to you. Feel free to also add what you would like to have said in return and didn’t. (If responded with a great comeback feel free to share that too.)

Friends and family members – I challenge you memorize and follow the advice in the quote above. Dr. Phil, that goes for you too.

More Caregivers comment on  the Dr. Phil Challenge to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish a grant to help the caregivers who need it most.

steven chandler – Comment: At 52 I am now a health care provider for my 91 year old father I’ve gone through all my savings is a constant struggle my sister took all of my father’s money in 2006 he was sick at the time and she convinced him to change his will and he gave her all the money I’m here for my father 24 hours a day and If it wasn’t for me the last year and a half he would be dead. I’ve put my life on hold I put my relationship of 8 years on hold and it’s overwhelming at times

Sherri Diller – Comment: I fully agree!!  Dr.  Phil,  just take a look at the state differences that caregivers go through.  Boils my blood.  All types of government agencies claiming to help.  I have worked in a number of nursing homes and I am a single daughter,  caring for her single mom w/stage 4 alzhiermers,,  both from a dysfunctional background.  I love her dearly.  But I dont trust the system.  Your help is so needed.  My mom deserves so much more.  I am all she has.  When she goes,  I am the only one left.

Christina – Comment: Yes Bobbi, I will share your blog post. It’s so important. For some reason the word ‘respite’ goes unheard by many of those who are not caregivers.  I don’t know how many times I was asked what I wanted and I answered the same thing every time, respite hours for myself so I could catch up on sleep or just sit and do nothing. The answer was always, yes, but what else? I was even recommended to take antidepressants! Thankfully I had learned to speak up and stand up for both myself and my husband by the time that was suggested. They never mentioned it again!

As caregivers, even though we most definitely save the state money we are not looked upon as the assets we are. My conclusion to that crazy reality is that we are actually stopping the money from flowing in a certain direction that may be advantageous to some (greed!). My husband would have been in a nursing home years before his passing if I had let them take him. No rime or reason to that since that would have cost thousands of dollars per month compared to a few respite hours for me. Fortunately he never had to go to a nursing home.

Pat DiCesare – Comment: Dr. Phil, I think your audience would benefit from hearing Bobbi Carducci’s amazing and emotional story of her experience of being a caregiver to her father-in-law.

Beth Anderson – Comment – If only there could be a place to go where, at no cost to the caregiver, they could bring their loved ones to, to be cared for, if only for an hour or two. The caregiver could get a workout in, run a few errands or just sit and have some quiet time. I wish you luck in your efforts to help caregivers, but some family members have no idea what that caregiver does, how they feel, what they need or how they struggle with day to day activities. Thank you again.

****

Every 26 minutes another person in the U.S. is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another from of dementia.  The numbers are growing every day. Help me get help for caregivers.

The Face of a Caregiver

I usually avoid cameras. I prefer the illusion that I look better than whatever shows up after the click or whirr that indicates my image has been recorded digitally or on film. Today I am shedding my vanity to show you what the face of a caregiver came to look like.

caregiving pic Bobbi

Bobbi in 2005 – three years as a caregiver. Four more to go.

When my father-in-law came to live with us I had a full time job. I went to the gym every day. I slept well and I ate right. All the things a caregiver is advised to do. Little by little it all fell away.

First the job went. My boss was understanding. I was even offered the chance to work from home most of the time and go into the office only as needed. We tried it for a while. It didn’t work. I was failing there and at home unable to give either the attention they needed.

Next to go was working out at the gym.  A half hour drive there and back plus an hour workout was too much time away. It wasn’t safe long before he needed constant supervision. He’d forget things on the stove and, for some reason, he liked to dry wet tissues on the light bulb of the lamp in his room. The risk of a fire scared me so much I bought a baby monitor to keep an eye on him.

Eating right was next to go. My diet became much like that of an exhausted mother of a newborn or a temperamental toddler. Feed him and grab what you can. The remains of sandwich here, a few chips there. Every now and then a yogurt cup to convince myself nutrition hadn’t fallen by the wayside entirely.

Getting enough rest became a hope for the future. A future I didn’t dare admit I thought about for it meant he would be gone and to wish for this dreadful disease to be over was wrong, wasn’t it?

For seven years I did the best I could. He did the same. It took a huge toll on me. It took his life away. I miss him. I would do it again if needed.

It’s important that people understand how hard it is. Perhaps by sharing what the face of a caregiver becomes someone, maybe even Dr. Phil, will get it. Caregivers need help. Caregivers need you.

Bobbi now

Bobbi on July 26, 2014 as we honored him on his birthday and shared his story with the public for the first time.   I look years younger and feel it as well. I hope he was smiling along with me.

More voices urging Dr. Phil to help caregivers.

Diane Waterman – Comment: I didn’t see Doctor Phil’s show, but I can tell you from experience, being a caretaker to someone sick or elderly could never pay enough for what these people do. I cared for my sister with help from my children, for the last months of her life. She had Lung Cancer! I have Fibromyalgia myself and was dealing with daily pain. I did everything I could to take care of myself, if it wasn’t for my own adult children, I would not have survived. They gave me breaks night time. The whole year was cruel in many ways, I had to deal with a very dysfunctional family as well! I was relieved when she finally passed on July 10th 2013, not only for her , but for myself!!  RIP Mona, I love you and miss you! Xoxo

Pamela Lynne Kemp  – Comment: Thank you to everyone for sharing your story.  You speak for so many of us.

Beth Anderson – Comment: I am full-time caregiver for my Mom who turns 85 in a couple of weeks. My mom has Alzheimer’s and Dementia as well as numerous other ailments. I have been Mom’s full-time caregiver since 2006 and after a recent fall, I am with Mom 24/7. I split my time at her home and bring her home with me for what she calls ” a mini vacation.” I am not a saint or looking for recognition, I just realize that it take a special person to take on the role of caregiver. I make most of her meals, take her to all of her appointments, set up her medications, bathe her, clean her after messy bathroom visits, take her for walks, take her to the nature center, the pumpkin patch, graduation parties, weddings and if my husband and I take a vacation, Mom goes along. I get occasional breaks, thanks to two of my sisters, but their work schedules are a usually a conflict. My husband has been so supportive through this chapter in Mom’s life as difficult and exhausting it may be. People do not know my story, as I do not know other people’s stories. With that being said, be kind to everyone. Offer assistance whenever you can. Smile, even though you don’t feel you have much to smile about, it could make all the difference in the world. Stay positive! Thank you to all caregivers, I am walking in your shoes! Love you Mom!

Sherri D – Comment: I’ve been caring for my severely disabled son for almost 15 years, with many more to go. Some say it’s my duty as his mother and they may be right, but it’s BC I LOVE HIM I have up my life for him. I’m coming out of a second marriage 😦  I don’t go anywhere with friends or much else. I used to be a dance teacher and dancing was my life. Now I’m a stay at home mom… Lonely and tired. With no relief in sight.

Linnea Hedborn – Comment: I am primary caregiver to my 95 year old mother. Every single day is a battle to be heard by her doctors and my family. I can’t let down for one second…not one. I have to keep so many different balls spinning in the air, no matter what my own financial situation (dire) or mental and physical health is. The latter is going fast. To be told to “take care of myself” is patronizing and unhelpful.

Stacey Belt – Comment: I have quit jobs to care for three family members who have now died.  I now need help and find myself unemployed, homeless and about to fight melanoma for the second time.  Guess what? I have no one to care for me, no one, zip, zilch, zero!  I gave up everything three times to care for family and now the best thing that can happen is I die quickly since I am homeless, jobless, penniless and have no support!! That’s the thanks I get! But hey, God has a special place in heaven for me or so I’m told! What a great thing to look forward to right?!

To contact Dr. Phil directly and ask him to accept my challenge to offer real help to caregivers go to the following links.

http://drphilfoundation.org/

http://www.drphil.com/

@DrPhil

https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

Not Everyone Agrees With the Dr. Phil Challenge … Many More Do

Yesterday, in response to my post titled Caregivers Are Joining the Dr. Phil Challenge  I received the following comments from  a man taking exception to my efforts to get Dr. Phil to help.  Presented here are his views and my responses. I respect his right to express his opinions just as I respect the comments of the caregivers that I will post as they come in. Including some at the end of this very long post.

Note: I wonder if David  realizes how many of his statements  highlight exactly why I am pleading with Dr. Phil to respond. Read on and see for yourself.

David Blair – You never were clear on what you thought Dr. Phil should have done for this woman? He obviously has a huge network of resources, but mostly for people with drug & psychological problem. After all that’s his profession. When he offers his support during the show it’s largely an effort to showcase, well advertise for these centers. And the guest gets free help as a result.  He doesn’t work with any day spas? How can you be certain the show didn’t help her financially, probably not something they would have aired.

The Imperfect Caregiver (Bobbi Carducci) – I am asking the Dr. Phil Foundation to establish grants to offset the costs of respite care. Even a few hours a week would be an enormous help for so many.

David Blair – Well, as some of your commenters pointed out – there are currently millions of people in that situation. You don’t think Dr. Phil has THAT kinda money. This goes on in nearly every family in this country.  My mom spent and amazing amount of time caring for my grandparents. I think it’s a situation many find themselves in. Families have to step up. Dr. Phil can fix a lot, but he can’t make family members compassionate if they don’t choose to be? Just asking you consider the scale of what you are expecting.

The Imperfect Caregiver – Bobbi Carducci – I hear you. I don’t expect him to fund it all. I’m asking for an opportunity to use his resources to get the message out about what it’s really like and offer SOME funding via the Dr. Phil Foundation for some in desperate need. He dropped the ball when he asked that young woman what was the hardest part of caring for her father and she said, “lifting him several times a day,” and his response was to tell her not to feel guilty about wanting time for herself. Do I think Dr. Phil has THAT kind of money? No. Do I think he can inspire others to help? Yes, I do. Just as I don’t expect him to end domestic violence himself or fix every drug addict alone. He does assist some and that is what I am hoping for and asking from him. Get the dialog and the support moving.

David Blair – I think he did use his resources to get the message out. I admit, probably the only show I watch regularly. THAT”S RIGHT! (don’t care what anyone think either.)

He’s a smart guy. Every time I’m wondering what the fu@k’s he gonna say about that? But he always says the right thing – and always a 180 from what I’d say)

Not meaning to sound unsympathetic to your cause but trying to set up a fund then try to decide (based on I don’t know what) who should get the money the logistics of which are unimaginable! Not his job or responsibility. His only responsibility is to entertain me at 3 o’clock.)

The Imperfect Caregiver – Bobbi Carducci – Thank you for your thoughts on this. Enjoy the show.

 Read More Comments by Caregiver’s Joining the Dr. Phil Challenge:

Donna Thomson – Comment: Great idea, Bobbi!  Have you written to the foundation?  Where are they based – perhaps a personal meeting or skype meeting would be appropriate.  Well done for identifying this opportunity!

doggonedmysteries Margaret Hauser –  Comment: It’s easy to give advice when you aren’t the caregiver. I consider myself lucky when The Curmudgeon, my husband who has secondary progressive Multiple Sclerosis, is having a good enough day where I can leave him alone for a couple of hours.I can’t afford to have someone come in and give me a break. We live on his meager disability income because I can’t leave him alone for more than a couple of hours at a time. Some days not at all, depending on how bad his day is.

I haven’t had a real break in over a year. How about if Dr. Phil comes over and takes care of The Curmudgeon for a week and finds out what it is really like?I bet he wouldn’t be quite so free with his ‘advice to caregivers on taking care of themselves’ when he finds out that is not an easy thing to do when you have to take care of a home and a patient. I am not now nor have I ever been a nurse, so this is truly difficult.

Lisa Land – Comment: I am a caregiver for my 89 yr old father and saw the show as well. I wondered the same thing, why did he NOT help this girl? So many of us including myself are caregiving without an income and living off of the income of our carees, which is Social Security and is keeping us just above the poverty level. I am forwarding this to everyone I can to sign and get recognition.

Cathy Kelly – Comment: I am a caregiver for my friend and also was for his parents because there wasnt anyone else.  I am stuck here trying to get him help so I can get out. 8 years worth of ongoing stress is far too much. Help! Please! I dont want to go down with the ship.

Laura Walsh – Comment: amen to that , my husband can not be left alone, after massive stroke , bed ridden , hoyer lift to wheel chair  , canot speak or do anything for hmself  … we know what to do , but never get a chance to do it , all my energy is put into care giving and cooking and cleaning and ordering meds and doing every single need for my husband , all day long , every day , and in the middle of the night , every night … going on 4 years now !!! wearing pretty thin !!! It is almost an insult for someone to say remember to take care of yourself first , so you can take care of him , I know they mean well , but >>>>>

Jennien Seymour – Comment: well Dr Phil..unless you have given up your independence, place to live, and your job…to care for someone 24/7….you have no idea what it is like…there for you can not give advice on something you have no idea about.

Janet Ogaick – Comment: as a caregiver to my father until he passed away your advice truly means nothing what I needed was someone to help so I could have time for me time to be a mother to my 4 children time to unwind I don’t regret being my fathers caregiver he did for me and it was my turn to do for him but an hour or two a week it would have been wonderful

Carlene Reaves  – Comment: Thank you Dr. Phil for recognizing caregivers and how awesome they are. It would have been nice if you would have helped her do what you advised her to do. Much love!

Theresa Loder – Comment: as a caregiver for the past 20 years .. Parents, mother in law , and now for my husband who has many health issues, I often hear( at least once a day) for me to take care of myself..

I do my best to do that .. But it’s very hard for people not caregiving to understand the moment to moment challenges we all face.. Yes , it would be nice it someone who has a platform , to offer actual help to caregivers..

It is very hard to find any kind of respite out there..

Currently I am trying to get well from Bronchitis I picked up either in the hospital or nursing home where my husband had been recently.. He ended up with pneumonia..

This is the first time I had to go to the ER for myself .. We caregivers would appreciate any and all actual help we can receive by way of letting people know the challenges we face on a minute to minute basis. Most all of us are going to be faced with this someday… There needs to be lots of discussion about all things caregiving… Sooner rather than .  positive thoughts to all caregivers out there.. Theresa Loder

Contact Dr. Phil and add your voice to the Imperfect Caregiver challenge: http://drphilfoundation.org/  http://www.drphil.com/   @DrPhil   https://www.facebook.com/drphilshow?fref=ts

 

More caregiver comments tomorrow.

Caregivers Are Joining the Dr. Phil Challenge – Add Your Voice

Dr. Phil, I challenge you to use your huge resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to develop a program of grants to help caregivers follow your advice to accept help, rest, and take care of themselves so they can continue to care for those they love so much that they are willing to sacrifice their health to for them. Respite care is vital for caregivers and you can help provide it.

On May 30, 2015 I issued the challenge above to Dr. Phil to provide real help for caregivers instead of the same old advice to rest, eat right, exercise, take time to herself and not feel guilty that he told a young caregiver on the Dr. Phil Show on May 26th.

While only two responses appear in the message box on that initial post, I received many more via email and I will be posting them a few at a time so their voices are heard.

Please share these blog posts with as many people as possible and encourage them to do the same. There is strength in numbers and ours are growing every day.

Dr. Phil, Caregivers need help!

Jennifer Bailey – Comment: This woman is under as much stress as the people dealing with abuse- the abused never knows when he or she may be hit next, and on guard when the abuser is near, but the caretaker has to care for someone, worry at the things they see going wrong in front of their eyes… and when we are gone we have to wonder if those things are happening. Even when we have respite care you worry because the person does not know your loved one as well, and because they are alone with a person and often either helpless or have the potential to become violent when confused. We sleep when the loved one is safe, and often wake up to any small sound, like a parent of a small child. We eat when we can in our tasks, and for many of us it’s what we can afford after limiting our work hours to care for the person. Platitudes and the advice on every caregiver’s website do not help us.

Susan house – Comment: We need help usually only one person steps up to care for their loved one but boy everyone else has a lot of advice..there is no help there is no relief unless you have lots of money to spend..my husband and I would love to go in a vacation and know my mom was safe and cared for but can’t afford $15per hour x 24hrs x however many days I’m 59 yrs old my husband is 60 if mom lives 10 more years what if those are the best ten my husband and I have left..because with the stress of taking care of my mom whom I love and will care for until I can’t..May be that stress will kill me..sometimes you just need a break you just need to breathe you just need to…..and there’s no affordable help and how do u know if you hire someone that they will treat your loved one they way they should.there are no regulations to assure this its hire at your own risk and pay crazy money to a person who may not care..yes Dr Phil the number of people caring for dementia people is enough to blow your mind and more everyday and younger everyday there’s no cure no help no relief. You have to look at a shell of your loved one everyday. I pray my mom has a heart attack. Or gets cancer..something that will take her fast and soon..it’s quality of life not quantity..I don’t want her to not know me..my dad died from Parkinson’s and if I get sick I’d rather have dad’s disease any day to this…please help up we are everywhere nationwide. Crying everyday for the loss of our loved ones and all we have is a Alzheimer’s dementia page where we all go to share and vent and look for support..from each other..no one care about the millions of loved ones and the caregivers..no one wants to see what we struggle with everyday..just pray it never happens to you or someone you love because you will end up just like us with no one to turn to…am I a horrible daughter because I tuck my mom in bed every night and tell her I love her and then go and pray please God take her tonight!! And if he does I will find her in the morning and beg him to bring her back cause life without her seems unbearable..and then I realize she’s almost already gone

Vixen Brumback Comment: Please show more consern for caregivers.

Basia Comment: Please provide additional support for caregivers.

Jean Ostrom -Comment: I would love to be able to exercise regularly.  I haven’t had a full-night sleep in over a year.  I haven’t gone to a movie, a concert or gone shopping with my friends.  People keep telling me I have to take care of myself, but that is impossible when I am ALWAYS taking care of my husband.

Debbie DunlapComment: I am a caregiver as well. We need help. Have the best insurance but so many rules it does us no good. However if my Dad was in Welfare we would have had help yesterday. Not a fair system

Audrey Besser – Comment: I care for my mother-in-law.  I would be willing to brain storm a way to start a support group to help each other’s household to let caregivers have there needed rest and relax time, including sharing adult care .  Yes disappointed about the lack of support by family & society.

Joanne GerrardComment: Caregivers need the help and support and respite that gives them the help they need to give the care their loved one needs.

Margaret SmithComment: Caring for others is a challenge. We could use help at times.

Sherie Lynn AndersonComment: I support the challenge.

 R F – Comment: As the mother of a 15 year old son with autism I wholeheartedly identify with this article.  Being a caregiver is mentally and physically demanding.  The caregiver is often isolated with little to no support from family and friends. Cheap advice is easy to shell out.  People don’t know and they don’t want to know.

 Note: I have not made any changes or corrections to these posts. They appear exactly as written.  Individual email addresses are not included. However, I have the original posts and can provide them to Dr. Phil and/or the Dr. Phil Foundation on request.

Contact Dr. Phil:

Dr. Phil Foundation  – http://drphilfoundation.org/

The Dr. Phil Show http://www.drphil.com/

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Trust Yourself

When caring takes courage

Trust Yourself

How could I do that when no matter what I did he continued to worsen?

Things accomplished one day were no longer possible the next. Memories came and went within moments. Laughter turned to tears and acceptance to anger so quickly it was impossible to know why.

Who am I describing in that passage? Him or me?

It could be either.  In truth, it’s both.

I came to finally trust myself because I finally realized I was the best person to do this, flawed as I was.  I made it up as I went along and so do you. That’s how this is done when you are juggling the love and the loss. “All at once, all the time.”

 

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