When You Fall to the Floor and Shatter

shattered

Caregivers and those in their care have been tipped over by the gusts of life.  Many of our loved ones have fallen and broken bones, many more have had memories break away piece by piece creating razor sharp shards of anger and resentment in their place. They lash out at us in their confusion inadvertently causing us to begin to break as well.

Often those around us fail to see the damage these devastating diseases bring about. Too often others see it and choose to “walk around the pieces, lest they cut themselves upon the scatter.”

Today and every day it is my hope that you have someone in your life to glue you back together.  If you are alone in this, know that I understand and I am here for you.

Feel free to reach out to me via the comments section on this blog or privately via email at bcarducci@comcast.net

Caregivers need help. Please join me in continuing the Dr. Phil Challenge and encourage him to use his resources and the Dr. Phil Foundation to create a grant to provide real help to caregivers who need it most.  Go http://www.drphil.com and leave a comment on his website supporting my plea.

 

 

Trust Yourself

When caring takes courage

Trust Yourself

How could I do that when no matter what I did he continued to worsen?

Things accomplished one day were no longer possible the next. Memories came and went within moments. Laughter turned to tears and acceptance to anger so quickly it was impossible to know why.

Who am I describing in that passage? Him or me?

It could be either.  In truth, it’s both.

I came to finally trust myself because I finally realized I was the best person to do this, flawed as I was.  I made it up as I went along and so do you. That’s how this is done when you are juggling the love and the loss. “All at once, all the time.”

 

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Good Morning Caregivers

somethng good in every day

Every day may not be good.  Caregivers know better than most about good days and bad. On the best of days, when the people in our care, are experiencing the moments of clarity that mean so much, we know that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow can be, and often is, much different.

When family and friends don’t understand please remember you are not alone. There are thousands of us who do and  I hope in small way to be something good for you today.

 

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For Caregivers in Buffalo, N.Y.

all entitled to a meltdown

For caregivers in Buffalo, New York and the surrounding area here is a reminder that meltdowns are not only okay, sometimes they are exactly what is needed in order to carry on.

Any change in routine can wreak havoc for our loved ones. I can only imagine what seeing snow piling up for hours on end and having it cover windows and doors, creating a feeling of being trapped. is having on loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. I pray that you have all the medications and all the supplies for everyday living that you need, that there will be no medical emergencies that require you to leave your homes, and that your loved ones remain as calm as possible.

And one more thing; if things become too stressful let it out. As singer, Leslie Gore, once said,

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsYJyVEUaC4

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NaBloPoMo November 2014

Why Does It Have to Be So Hard?

“I don’t get it. Why is so hard to do good work?”

“I don’t know, honey,” my husband said. The creases in the corners of his beautiful brown eyes deepened, indicating he was trying to think of something to say that might help me with my struggle to understand why offering loving care to his father was always met with such resistance. He didn’t come up with an answer that night and neither did I

For weeks I prayed and asked God that same question. Why does it have to be so hard?

I got my answer one Sunday morning. When the priest began to speak after reading the gospel, I felt that he was talking directly to me.

“I’ve been hearing the same question over and over lately. ‘Why is life so hard? Why is it so difficult to do good works?’ A chill ran through me. God had heard my cry.

“I’m here to tell you,” the priest lectured, “No one ever told you it was supposed to be easy. There are many examples in the Bible of people being tested to their very limits. It’s in adversity that you grow in spirit. It’s when you step up and do the hard stuff God asks of you that you earn your place in heaven. So quit whining and do what you know has to be done and remember you are not alone. He is there for you when you need Him.”

After that, when things got very hard I tried to make light of it by telling Mike, “I earned my place in heaven today.” He believed it, even when I didn’t.

At first I couldn’t take the words of the priest to heart. I wanted a better answer. But, as things went on and the more I repeated the words, “I earned my place in heaven today,” the more at peace I felt. I was not alone. God was with me and by doing the hard work I was earning the grace to make it possible. Not easy. But easier. What I thought in moments of weakness and exhaustion to be impossible became possible. Being a caregiver is not a job that we can do alone. We need help from our community, our family and our friends and in the moments when all of them are too busy or too far away there is one who is always there.

 “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” Joshua 1:9

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Two Guest Posts on AgingCare.com

When I received the following from Anne-Maire Botek, Editor-in-Chief of AgingCare.com I was both surprised and thrilled.

“I recently came across The Imperfect Caregiver and was immediately captivated by both your writing style and subject matter. Your posts about your experiences with Rodger echo the sentiments and situations I see discussed on our community forum every day.

The world of caregiving needs to hear your voice; that’s why I would like to offer you the opportunity to become an AgingCare blogger.”

Of course I said yes. The opportunity to reach and possibly help even more caregivers is a gift.  To read my posts on AgingCare.com please click on the links below.

It Don’t Make Sense

A Good Hard Cry