Questions Caregivers Would Ask Family Members If They Dared
Why aren’t you here more often? What gives you the right to question and demand answers about how diminished he’s become when you only come by once or twice a year?
Why don’t you call once week or even once a month if you’re concerned?
What? You’re leaving on vacation and will be gone for three weeks? I haven’t had a vacation, or even a day off, in five years. Hell, an hour to myself would be a treat.
How is he? What do you mean, how is he? He’s sick. He has dementia and Parkinson’s disease. He can’t swallow anything but pureed food. He forgets where he is. He forgets who we are. He’s failing fast. You should stop by and see him before you go away. Will you?
You have too much to do to get ready for your trip? You’ll call when you get back? If he needs anything while you’re gone give you want me to a call on your cell phone?”
And if I call what will you do? Will you interrupt your trip? Will you come home early to care for him? We both know the answer to that. You already paid for the hotel. There will be a big fee for changing your airline tickets. It doesn’t make sense to rush back when there is nothing you can do for him.
There’s nothing you can do for him or nothing you choose to do for him? Where are you when he misses you? Where are you when he’s in the hospital again? Where are you when he’s tired of dealing with me and we both need a break?
Where are you when the sun goes down and he gets combative?
Where are you in the middle of the night when he sets off the bed alarm every few minutes from dusk to dawn?
Where are you when the doctor asks is there is anyone else to help care for him because it’s clear the stress is taking a huge toll my health?
Where are you when refuses food and drink? Where are you when he takes his last breath?
Brother Where Art Thou?
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The Imperfect Caregiver 
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