The Imperfect Caregiver

It’s a sad truth that being a caregiver can break us. We don’t need to read the statistics to know that caregiving comes with a cost to our health, our relationships and our self-esteem. We do a job we know will end in incredible loss. We cannot win no matter how hard we try.

Those who don’t understand criticize our decisions and question our intentions during brief visits where the person who called us vile names and lashed out at us all night sits smiling quietly and complains about how we treat them.

And so we break. Sometimes for just a moment or two, other times we pray for days to find the strength to face the morning and start anew. And for some it all becomes too much and we become ill ourselves.

In my case as things became more complicated and the stress built I had panic attacks and migraine headaches. My hair began to fall out. I needed respite care. As a disabled veteran receiving all of his care at a VA hospital Rodger was entitled to receive care in the hospital for up to 30 days a year, no longer than 14 days in a row.  We used it when we could but there came a time when we were told there were no beds available and respite care was suspended.  I was desperate for rest and kept asking only to receive the same answer.

“There is no room.”  That is until the day I spoke these words, “I need respite care for his sake and mine. If it can’t be arranged I will call my congressperson and if that doesn’t work I will have to admit him to the VA hospital nursing home permanently.”  Two days later a bed opened up and we both got the break we needed.  It shouldn’t have come to that. I know many caregivers don’t have that option and for them taking a stand will not make respite care available. We need to change that or there will be many more broken caregivers and who will care for them?

The following is fromCaregiver.org

Impact of Caregiving on Caregiver’s Physical Health

• While researchers have long known that caregiving can have deleterious mental health effects for caregivers, research shows that caregiving can have serious physical health consequences as well, 17% of caregivers feel their health in general has gotten worse as a result of their caregiving responsibilities.
  [AARP Public Policy Institute Valuing the Invaluable: 2008 Update. The Economic Value of Family Caregiving] – Updated: November 2012

• Research shows an estimated 17-35% of family caregivers view their health as fair to poor.
  [Valuing the Invaluable: 2011 Update, The Economic Value of Family Caregiving. AARP Public Policy Institute.] – Updated: November 2012

• Those who are more likely to rate physical strain of caregiving “high” are female (17% vs. 10% males) and older (21% are 65+ vs. 11% at 18-49). They have lower incomes (19% vs. 11% of those with an annual income of $50,000+), a higher level of burden (31% vs. 9%, of those with a moderate level of burden and 5% of those with a low level), and are living with their care recipient (29% vs. 11% who don’t live together).
  [National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP (2009), Caregiving in the U.S., A Focused Look at Those Caring for Someone Age 50 or Older, Bethesda, MD: National Alliance for Caregiving, Washington, D.C.] – Updated: November 2012

• 11% of family caregivers report that caregiving has caused their physical health to deteriorate.
  [The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP (2009), Caregiving in the U.S. National Alliance for Caregiving. Washington, DC.] – Updated: November 2012

• 21% of older caregivers caring for those 65+ report a higher degree of physical strain, compared to 13% who are younger.
  [The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP (2009), Caregiving in the U.S: National Alliance for Caregiving. Washington, D.C.] – Updated: November 2012
• Women (16%) more than men (11%) report having more stress in caregiving responsibilities, (4-5 on a 5 point scale).
  [The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP (2009), Caregiving in the U.S: National Alliance for Caregiving. Washington, D.C.] – Updated: November 2012

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